Come Around
by TStabler
Summary: When someone is so close to you that it seems their soul is bound to yours, it's difficult to live without them. Will they ever come around and realize whet they're on the brink of losing? E/O Future M
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A new one.**

**Disclaimer: SVU is owned and operated by Dick Wolf. TStabler (c) just took the characters out to play for a bit.**

He walked through the bar, waving the stench of booze and despair out of his face. He found her at a high table in the back. She was halfway to shitfaced.

"Since when do you drink?" he asked, sitting.

"Since when do you care?" she spat back, throwing back her shot.

"I care," he scoffed.

She shook her head. "Bullshit."

"Liv..." He stopped and watched her down another drink.

"You left me there...alone...with all the death and the pain...and the abuse." There were tears in her eyes as she spoke.

He bit his lip. "I thought you..."

But she cut him off. "Did it ever occur to you that I could only handle it with you? That I could only stomach it with you next to me?" she tossed a twenty on the table and rose from her seat. "Some fucking partner you turned out to be!"

She moved but he grabbed her hand and stood up. "What the fuck are you doing, Elliot?"

"You're drunk," he hissed.

"You're an asshole," she hissed in return.

He pulled her closer to him "You know why I left," he whispered.

She leaned in even closer. She ripped her hand out of his and dragged it down his body. She cupped his dick through his pants, moaning at feeling the true girth of it for the first time, and kissed him slowly. Hard. Punishing. She squeezed her hand around him and just when he began to reciprocate she pulled back. "Take that back to your wife tonight. When you fuck her tonight, like I know you will, think of me. This was a kiss goodbye, Elliot." She walked away, leaving him shocked and more turned on than he's ever been in his life.

"Shit!" he barked, tossing down her unfinished shot. He thought for a moment as the liquid heat ran down his throat. His eyes traveled over the crowded bar, and he let out a hard breath. And then he did the only thing he could do. He ran after her.

By the time he made it to the door and out into the night, she was gone. He ran a hand down his face before turning and heading in the direction of her apartment. It was farther than he remembered, and he . He was out of breath, panting, holding the left side of his body, feeling the lack of training hit him as he climbed the front steps of her building.

He punched the elevator button, and he hunched over, taking hard breaths as he waited. Finally he hear the ding, and he used the seconds of rest to get his thoughts together. What did she mean, goodbye? Why did she kiss him like that? Why did she touch him like that? Why did he want her to do it again?

"Fuck me," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes and inhaling hard. The elevator stopped, the doors opened, and he took two steps before coming face-to-face with Olivia's landlord. He was in front of her door, a set of keys and a rusty doorknob in his hand. "What…um…are you fixing that?"

"Changing the locks," the gruff man garbled. "Tenant moved out. Why? You interested in the place?"

Elliot's eyes bulged. "Moved out? What? When?"

"Well," the man, who smelled a little like moldy bacon, thought for a moment. "She, uh, she started packin' a week ago, and she was all gone this mornin'. Came back to pick up a few things and hand in her keys. What's it to ya?"

"Where did she go?" Elliot asked, gripping the man's shoulders, and instantly regretting it.

"Woah, fella!" The landlord backed up. "Said somethin' about a bus. She was in an awful hurry, and she smelled like a frat party gone wrong."

"Bus," Elliot repeated. He backed up and turned, and he ran for the stairs. "Thanks!" he yelled over his shoulder.

"New York," the man said, putting a screwdriver in his pocket. "Full o'nuts."

* * *

><p>Elliot walked through the bus terminal, shocked and on the verge of tears. He had checked Greyhound, NJ Transit, Peter Pan…he couldn't find Olivia anywhere. He stopped in front of the Capitol Lines waiting area and pulled out his cell phone, and he dialed her number. He had been doing it all night. "Answer," he hissed. "Pick up your fucking phone!"<p>

He heard a shrill ringing, and he turned around quickly. "Liv?" He ran toward the bench and snapped his phone shut, dropping it into his pocket. "Liv! Jesus Christ!" He pulled her up into his arms and rocked a bit.

"Please," she said, closing her eyes. "Stop rocking. You're making me sick."

He chuckled and backed away from her. "Leaving," he said, shaking his head. "You're leaving? When were you gonna tell me?"

"I wasn't," she shrugged, flopping back into her seat. "I don't even know how you found me. Up until ten minutes ago, I thought I was on the bus."

He sat beside her and shook his head. "Man, I have never seen you this trashed before." He ran a hand through her hair and asked, almost pitifully, "Why would you kiss me like that? Liv, why the hell would you leave me like this?"

"You left me first," she said, ignoring his question about the kiss that lingered on her lips, making them burn. She took a breath and then she hiccupped. "I was just…getting even."

"Liv," he sighed, throwing his hands up. "I didn't leave you! I left the unit! I left a job I couldn't do anymore. I left a world that was taking me away from my family. I didn't leave you, I thought we'd still…"

"You thought, what, we'd get together for mani-pedis every Wednesday and go shopping together?" She scoffed. "You're not some friend from high-school, Elliot! You're my fucking partner! Do you have any idea what it's like going from seeing you all day, every day, to only having a weekly phone call?" She shook her head and hiccupped again. "It fucking sucks."

"You think it's been easy for me?" he asked, his eyes narrow. "You don't think I miss you?"

"You get to stay home with your perfect family," she said, jutting a finger at him. "You're earning your goddamned father of the year award, and I had a seven year old girl die in my arms tonight. Ya know who was with me? Nobody." She hiccupped and heard her bus's number being called. She stood, on wobbly legs, and grabbed her duffle bag. "That's me."

"Wait, you're really going?" he asked, his heart stopping. "Liv!"

She chuckled. "I don't have a reason to stay, Elliot! Do I?"

"Your job," he said fast.

"I'm calling Cragen in the morning, tell him I quit," she said. "One dead kid too many. Try again," she dropped her bag and folded her arms.

He stood, he moved in, and he put one hand on each shoulder. "You love this city. You've got your favorite deli, your gym, your dry cleaner…"

"They have all of those things in.." she paused to hiccup. "California."

"California!" he yelled. "No way! No way in Hell!" He grabbed her duffle bag, then he grabbed her. He lifted her into his arms and moved fast, heading for the main gate.

"Put me down!" she yelled. "Elliot, I'm…" She kicked and punched, and jumped. Once on her feet, she slapped him in the arms, hard and fast. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You're drunk! I am not letting you…"

"Letting me?" she shouted, her eyes wide. "You don't have to let me do anything! I am not your wife! I'm not your partner, I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not even your friend anymore, Elliot! And the only way…"

"Stay!" he shouted over her. "Goddamn it, Olivia, you can't fucking drop your entire life and skip across the fucking country! That's insane!" He tilted his head. "What do you mean, we're not friends anymore?"

"There's nothing for me here," she yelled, waving both hands in the air. "God, Elliot, don't you get that? Now that things are…the way they are…the only thing this city holds for me is a lifetime of bad memories." She wiped the tear falling down her cheek with her thumb. "Shit, Elliot, I have to get out of here."

He shook his head, he took her hand. "You come home with me, you sober up, you sleep it off. If you wake up and you still wanna go…I won't stop you."

"I am not going home with you." She shook her head and pulled her hand out of his. "Your kids don't need to see me like this. And your wife…that's a headache I don't need. Not on top of the one I already have."

Elliot pulled her hand back into his, and he looked into her eyes. "Liv, please," he whispered. "Just…give me tonight. We'll talk. We'll work something out. If you still wanna leave…"

"Don't look at me like that," she whispered, blinking. "Don't patronize me, Elliot. You aren't gonna talk to me, tonight, so just stop. Give me a reason to stay. You don't want me to leave. Why not?"

His hands shook, his bottom lip trembled. "Liv, I…I can't."

"You tell me why," she said, tossing her hair back. "Or I'm getting on that bus."

His heart hammering, he gripped her hand tighter. "Tonight," he said with a nod. "Just, please, come back to my place tonight. If you're serious about leaving, you'll do it when you're sober."

She shook her head and grabbed her back, letting her hand fall from his. "If I sober up, I won't leave," she told him. "That's why I have to go now. El, I…"

"Please?" he quietly begged. He let her see the tears in his eyes, the panic and the pain. "Liv?"

Stunned at watching him near tears, she closed her eyes. "You are so lucky I can't feel my legs. I'd be running for that bus so fast right now." She fell into him, and felt his arms wrap tightly around her. "Just…don't rock," she reminded him, letting the hug last far longer than it should, and feeling a little bit more of heart break when she finally let go.

* * *

><p>When they got back to his place, the living room was empty. He turned on the light, led Olivia to the couch, and sat with her. "Thank you," he whispered. "For…for not…"<p>

"Yeah," she said, leaning back. "Whatever."

"Where's all your stuff?" he asked, scooting closer to her. "Your landlord said you moved out this morning, so…all of your furniture…"

"Is on its way to San Francisco," she finished. She sighed. "It's done, El, all you've done is prolong the inevitable."

He looked at her, seeing the paleness of her face, the strain she seemed to be under. "I didn't leave to hurt you. You know why I left, Liv. You told me you understood, you gave me your blessing."

"Yeah, that's when I thought you were full of shit," she said. "When I thought you'd be out for a week and come back because you missed it. I didn't think…six fucking months, Elliot." She bit her lip. "Six months, and your desk is being occupied by a guy who….I have bras that are older than this asshole."

He chuckled. "That great, huh?"

"I'm not joking!" She rested her head against her hand. "He calls me Olive, he drinks pomegranate juice, he wears Tommy Hilfiger suits, and he answers his cell phone with a very clear 'yellow.' He's juvenile and he doesn't know what he's doing."

"How many times has he hit on you?" Elliot asked, folding his arms.

"None," she told him. "Thank God, because I don't wanna go down for murder." She yawned and her head lolled to the other side, landing on Elliot's shoulder. Her eyes were still shut and she nuzzled into the crook of his neck. "Tell me again," she mumbled, half asleep. "Why don't you want me to leave?"

He was quiet. He waited. And when he was certain she was asleep, he turned his head and whispered, "I love you." He kissed her forehead, then slowly rose, letting her fall gently down. He covered her with the couch's throw, turned off the light, and watched her sleeping form as he climbed the stairs toward his bedroom.

He didn't see her eyes open.

He didn't see her smile.

And he didn't hear her whisper, "I love you, too."

She sighed, closing her eyes again as her smile faded. She wanted to go, but now, more than ever, she needed to stay.

**A/N: Continue? Yes? No?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hangovers suck. **

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

"Nothing happened, Kathy," Elliot shouted in a whisper. "I didn't want her driving like that, so I..."

"You brought her here in the middle of the night," Kathy harshly said. "You wanna tell me why she came with luggage? She is not staying here, Elliot! I don't care if her building is infested with fire-breathing dragons. Do you hear me?"

"She's right there!" Elliot spat. "God, Kathy, I did a favor for a friend, okay? I was looking out for..."

"You were looking out for a woman who not only carries a gun, but who can probably take down a grizzly bear with her bare hands!" Kathy yelled, not whispering anymore. "She doesn't need your help, Elliot! You haven't even spoken to her in..."

"We talk all the time!" Elliot yelled back. "You wouldn't have a problem if I brought Munch home like this!"

Olivia rolled over, moaning in pain. The loud shouting was making her already throbbing head pound harder. "God, can the two of just...shut the hell up?" she mumbled, trying hard to move. She held her head and squeezed her eyes shut as she sat up, and she almost threw up in the process. She hunched over and dry-heaved.

"Oh, God," Elliot said, noticing her and moving toward her. "Are you..."

She held up a hand. "I'm fine," she said, taking a breath. "Next time you wanna fight about me, how about you do it where I can't here you?" She lurched forward again. "And when I don't have a massive headache."

Elliot looked at her sheepishly, then turned his head toward his wife. "Kathy and I were just..."

"I heard," Olivia mumbled. "My head is killing me," she said, taking a deep breath. "And I smell." She stood up slowly and looked at Kathy. "I didn't ask him to bring me here, I...don't actually even know how I got here." She moved toward her duffle bag by the door, pulling out a new shirt.

Kathy, with folded arms, said, "He carried you, Olivia. Apparently, you were too drunk to walk."

Olivia rubbed her blurry eyes before she pulled her fresh shirt on over her old one. "What?" she questioned. "I don't...I don't drink." She looked at Elliot as she pulled her arms into her sleeves. "Why did you bring me back here, huh?" she asked, then deftly tugged the dirty shirt out from underneath her clean one.

Elliot's mouth went dry as he realized what he'd been watching. He opened his mouth but didn't say anything.

"Well?" Olivia prodded. She tossed her old shirt back into her bag, then took a swig from a half-empty bottle of water from her duffle.

"That's what I wanna know!" Kathy barked. She slapped Elliot in the arm and said, "She has her own apart..."

"Oh," Olivia said, her eyes widening. "Oh, no, I don't. I..." she covered her mouth with her hand, and thought for a moment. Then, everything came flooding back to her. Their fight in the bar. The kiss. The way she grabbed him. How he felt in her hand. "Oh, my God," she mumbled as she shook her head a bit and rolled her eyes. "I'm completely fucked." She took another breath as she looked down at her watch, she made an oddly painful noise. "I gotta go." She grabbed her jacket off the chair, picked up her duffle bag, and said a quick, "I'm sorry," then she ran out of the front door.

Kathy glared at Elliot. "What exactly happened last night?"

Elliot's eyes were on the door, as if he could somehow still see Olivia standing there. "She had a bad day," he said. "She drank it off, I guess. Bartender we know at Luke's called me to go pick her up, she...she was pretty trashed."

"And instead of taking her to her own place, you brought her hear?" Kathy snapped. "You haven't seen her in weeks, Elliot. Is that really..."

"She moved," he said, his voice sad. "She doesn't have a place anymore. She was going...oh," he paused, reaching for his own jacket off of the rack. "Oh, no."

"Now where are you going?" Kathy yelled. "I've gotta be at work an hour! You're supposed to take the kids to school!"

"I'll be back," he said. He turned to give her a kiss on the cheek. "I swear, I will be back in time." He left, letting the door slam shut behind him. He ran to his black SUV, clicking the alarm button. He got into the driver's side, started the car, and pulled out faster than he ever had. He checked the time on the dashboard and spat a harsh, "Fuck," under his breath.

* * *

><p>Olivia had managed to walk a few blocks, but her headache worsened with every step. She stopped to get a much needed cup of coffee at a cart, trying to decide to get a taxi or keep walking. She heard the screeching of tires and backed away from the curb just in time to see a black SUV pull up right in front of her. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she yelled, watching as Elliot practically jumped out of the car.<p>

"Me?" he barked. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he snapped, running toward her. "You just up and left! Again! We still have to talk about..."

"I'm already late for work," she interrupted, holding up a hand. "It's gonna take me forever to get a cab, so...I don't even remember what we're supposed to be talking about so if you..."

"Get in the car," he said with a tight jaw, grabbing her hand.

She pulled back, almost in fear, as she felt the heat rush through her at his touch. "No," she said. "Go home, Elliot."

He looked at her, seriousness and worry in his eyes. "Liv, please, just get in the car. I'll drive you to work. It's too far to walk and cabs out this way are hard to come by"

She bit her lip, sipped her coffee, then rolled her eyes. "Fine," she mumbled, walking toward the passenger side of the car. "Only because people were starting to stare."

He chuckled, getting back into the driver's seat. He pulled back out onto the road and they drove in silence toward the bride. "Liv," he finally said, "You...you can't go to California."

"You keep telling me that," she muttered, sipping the last bit of coffee from her hot cup. "You sound like a broken record."

He furrowed his brow at her. "Do you remember anything from last night?"

She shook her head. "Only that I finally understand what people mean when they say, 'I've become my mother," she joked.

"You don't remember," he began, "How I left my house in the middle of the night to come get you at that bar? How I ran after you, only to find out...from your scumbag landlord, no less...that you were leaving?"

She watched him ramble, seeing the vein throb in his neck as he grew more upset with each phrase. "El, I..."

"Do you remember how I ran around Port Authority like a chicken with its head cut off looking for you?" He shook his head and he gave her a bitter chuckle. "Do you remember, at all, how hard I held onto you when I finally found you? How I almost cried, begged you not to get on that fucking bus? That doesn't tell you..."

"It tells me you're persistent," she laughed. "It tells me you're a stubborn son of a bitch, but it doesn't tell me why." She looked at him. "And no, I don't...I don't really remember, um, anything."

He let out a hard sigh. "Damn, Liv, last night you...at the bar, you don't...you don't remember any of it?"

She looked away from him. She looked out the window. "Nope," she said, hoping he couldn't hear the lie in her voice.

He turned down an avenue and he ran a hand through his hair. "Shit, so you...you only did that because you were drunk? It didn't mean anything to you."

"Did what?" she asked, knowing exactly what she did, but needing him to react before she'd admit it.

"You kissed me," he whispered, pulling into the precinct parking lot. "You said it was a kiss goodbye, but Liv, if that's you saying goodbye, then what the hell do you do when..."

"I kissed you," she said, cutting him off. "And you still ran after me the way you did?"

He parked the car and he looked at her as he turned the ignition off. "You don't just kiss someone like that and run away without an explanation. You said 'goodbye' and I...I didn't think you meant..." He swallowed hard, refusing to let her see him cry. "We need to talk about this. What that kiss really meant, and don't tell me you don't remember it because...I know when you lie, and I know that you would never..."

"Just forget it happened," she sighed, closing her eyes. "I was drunk off my ass, I wanted...I wanted to hurt you. I know you're married, and I know you love her, so spare me the 'you know nothing is gonna happen' speech. I embarrassed myself enough, do we have to talk about what it..."

"Yeah, we do," he talked over her, "Because if that was really more than just a drunken attempt to get me all hot and bothered, then we have a problem. We have to figure out a solution."

She said nothing as she opened the door. "Thanks for the ride," she shouted as she slammed it.

Elliot rolled his eyes. "God damn it, I don't have time for this." He ran after her, catching her at the door. He followed her to the front desk in the lobby, and that's when he noticed the younger man striding up to her, smiling at her, and winking at her. He moved fast, pushing his way between the two. "Who are you?" he asked, interrupting their conversation.

Olivia folded her arms. "Elliot, go home."

"No," he hissed, still looking at the man. "Who are you?"

The man looked up with a crooked grin. "Nick," he said, holding out a hand. "Olivia's partner. And you are..."

"Her partner," he seethed.

"Excuse me?" Nick asked, taking on a more severe tone.

Olivia put a hand on Elliot's chest, pushing him back. She was surprised at how fast his heart was beating. "Ex-partner," she said. "Among other things." She nodded once at Nick. "Go on upstairs, I'll be there in a minute."

"Sure, Olive," Nick said with a small smile, then he glared at Elliot as he headed for the elevator.

Once he was gone, Olivia snapped her head back to Elliot. "Where do you get off..."

"He really does call you Olive," he griped. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever...I don't like him."

Olivia folded her arms. "Welcome to my world," she said, "Now will you please go home and..."

"Not until you swear to me that you will come back to my place after work, and we will talk about this!" He held her gaze as steadily as he could.

"There's nothing to talk about, El," she sighed, defeated. "Besides, Kathy would..."

"Kathy's working a double-shift tonight. She won't be there," he interjected.

"Oh, great," Olivia scoffed. "She was Attila the Hun this morning when she knew I was there, and you want to bring me back without her..."

Elliot leaned closer to her. His lips were a hair away from hers, the tension between them was thick. "Please?" he barely breathed.

Swallowing hard, blinking slowly, she nodded once. "Fine."

He smiled and moved closer, but just before their lips touched he turned his head and gently kissed her cheek. "I'll pick you up. This way I know you won't..."

She chuckled. "Asshole," she spat.

"Bitch," he said with a smile, punching her lightly in the arm. "Ten thirty," he said with a nod. "I'll come up and get you."

She rolled her eyes as she walked away from him, waving over her shoulder as she headed toward the elevator.

Smiling, Elliot took a deep breath. He turned to leave and saw the large clock over the door. "Oh, shit," he gasped, turning his walk into a run. He had fifteen minutes to get home and get his kids to school.

He was in a world of trouble, for so many reasons.

**A/N: Elliot and Kathy have a little chat, Nick and Olivia work out their differences, and Elliot has a surprise for Olivia. One she doesn't want.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Real favors are those for which one does not ask.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

It had been a long day for Olivia. No matter how much coffee she drank, no matter how many pills she swallowed, her head still throbbed. She almost threw up at a crime scene, repercussions from her drinking not because of the gruesome scene, and Cragen almost sent her home. He recognized the signs.

Nick, though, defended her. He went to bat for her, and it reminded her so much of Elliot, which only made her ache even more.

Back at her desk, she sat chewing on her pen, contemplating whether or not she really wanted to wait around for Elliot. She looked at the clock and determined that if she left now, and ran fast, she could be on the next bus to California. She rubbed her bloodshot eyes and stood, planning to tell Cragen she was leaving, when Nick stopped her.

"Hey," he said softly, touching her shoulder. "You okay, Olive?"

She flinched at the nickname. "Fine," she said, nodding. "I'm fine."

"I know what it's like," he said, lowering his eyes. "Losing the one you love."

She tilted her head. "Love? Are you…"

"Come on, Olivia," he interrupted. "You come in every day looking like you wrestled a live alligator, you can't stand to look at me when I'm sitting right across from you in his desk and you…"

"He was my partner," she said sharply. "Nothing more, nothing less. God, everyone around here seems to think it's a crime to be in a bad mood." She shook her head and scoffed. "And you and your wife seem pretty damn happy, so…"

"We are," Nick told her flatly. "She wasn't my first love, Olive. Trust me, the pain you're in? I get it. I know it."

She looked into his eyes, and she narrowed her own as she said, "I'm not in love. Not with him, not with anyone."

"Are you trying to convince me?" Nick asked. "Or yourself?"

She looked down then. "Even if I was," she said softly, "He's married."

Nick smirked. "Olivia Benson, you are the type of woman that makes men cheat on their wives. Or, at least, you make them want to."

She shot her eyes up at him, and she gave him the barest hint of a smile. "Yeah, well, if that were true, I wouldn't be wrestling those alligators."

Nick sighed and looked at her with nothing but concern in his eyes. "I know I'm not him, Olive, but…I am here. For you. Partner, friend, whatever."

She nodded once and said. "Go home to your wife, Nick. I'll see you tomorrow." She turned on her heels, hoping that she wouldn't see him tomorrow, or ever again, and knocked on her captain's door.

"He's in interrogation," Nick said to her, getting her to turn around. He nodded, pointing.

She furrowed her brow at him, then moved fast, heading into the pit. She walked toward the two-way mirror, and her eyes widened. Her hand pushed the button on the monitor before her brain truly processed what she saw.

Elliot was in a chair behind the metal table, and Cragen was sitting across from him. "I'm sorry, Elliot," Cragen said. "There's a pending investigation as it is, on top of your official resignation, I can't…"

"I need…I need to come back," Elliot interjected. "Staying home all day is driving me crazy, and Kathy…Kathy wants me to get a job with one of the pharmaceutical reps she works with."

Cragen drummed his fingers along the metal edge of the table. "How is Kathy? And the kids?"

"Kids are…kids," he said with a shrug. "Twins are wreaking havoc at school, Maureen's dating a football player, Kathleen wants to do a semester in India…and…well, Kathy…she isn't too happy with me. She thinks I'm too consumed with Liv. Never mind that she's gone to at least eight 'business dinners' with her 'supervisor," he said, making quote marks in the air as he said it.

Cragen chuckled. "It takes work to build a relationship back up from the brink of…"

"It's just…getting worse," Elliot interrupted, shrugging. "When I was here for sixteen hours a day, I didn't talk to her because I was protecting her. Now, I don't talk to her…because I have nothing to say to her." He scoffed. "All she does is yell and chastise my parenting, anyway. Keeps telling me that I missed too much of the kids' lives by working here that I don't even deserve to…" He stopped babbling, and he looked up. "Where'd you find that Nick guy?"

"Transferred in when you left," Cragen said. "About a week after the shooting, when you didn't come back."

Elliot shook his head and grumbled, "Cap, I need my job back! I…I don't like that guy! How can you even trust him to…"

"Whoa," Cragen said, holding up a hand to stop Elliot. "Are you asking to come back because you miss the job, or because you miss Olivia?"

Olivia's hand shot to her mouth as she both watched and heard, and she slumped a little, waiting for his answer.

Elliot closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't know what to do," he said, dropping his head into his hands. "Everything's so…fully fucked up, and I…I wake up and I get dressed, and I'm halfway to her place before I remember…" he bit his lip. "I text her a hundred times a day, but I never send them. I write her e-mails then delete them. Nothing I say…there's nothing I can say that…"

"Elliot," Cragen said, stopping him. "You destroyed your career, that's over. At least here. You're a good cop, a damn good one. But…I can't undo what you've done. No one can. Not even you. You either find a way to fix it, or you move on. I mean completely. Let her go."

He shook his head rapidly. "I can't do that," he said. "I tried. Over and over again. Ya know, she's left me twice, and it…it was never like this."

"Be fair," Cragen said. "She didn't have a choice that second time."

Elliot flinched. "She chose to leave the first…that's it!" He stood and ran a hand down his face. "She left because I chose her over the job. Because I told her…I told her that we were too close. She misunderstood…and she left so…"

"I hope you know what you're talking about," Cragen said, his arms folded. "Because I sure as hell don't."

Elliot chuckled. "I just…I figured something out, that's all." He looked at his former boss and asked, "Are you sure there's nothing you can do?"  
>Cragen heaved a deep sigh. "Sorry, Elliot. It's completely out of my hands."<p>

Elliot nodded, then, and moved toward the door.

Olivia gasped, smacked the monitor button to turn it off, and ran back toward her desk as fast as she could. She grabbed her transfer papers, and as soon as she turned to head toward Cragen's office, Elliot came out of the pit.

"Hey, Liv," he said, his eyes lighting up as he looked at her.

She brushed her hair behind her ears. "Hey," she said.

"You ready?" he asked, hopeful.

She nodded and said, "I just have to, um, give these to…" she looked toward Cragen, who had just come out of the interrogation room. She moved her hand just a few inches before it started to shake. "Shit," she spat, gripping her hand with the other and shaking her head.

"What's happening?" Elliot asked, reaching for her.

Cragen's eyes narrowed. "Don't touch her," he said. "Olivia, breathe. Slowly. In. Out."

Olivia nodded, her eyes closed, and she took two slow breaths. "I'm okay."

Cragen said, "Okay. You sure?"

She nodded and threw the envelope behind her, back onto her desk. "El," she said, shaky, "Let's go."

Just as Elliot moved toward the door, Cragen stopped him. "Don't let her drink," he said in a whisper. "And don't leave her alone tonight."

Elliot, confused, nodded once. He turned and walked after Olivia, who was already out in the hallway. "Hey," he called to her. "What was that, in there? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she said, trying not to cry. "I'm fine. Why doesn't anyone understand that I'm fucking fine?"

"Because you're not," he said, grabbing her arm. He spun her around to face him. "Talk to me. What happened back there?"

"I don't know," she whispered, the tear rolling down her cheek. "I just…it used to happen to my mother when…"

"When she wasn't drinking," he finished. "How could...Liv, last night…that wasn't the first time you've been that bad. Was it?"

She sighed as the elevator opened. She wiped her eyes and said, "No. It was just the first time I've been too drunk to convince Frank not to call you."

He grabbed her face in both hands, he held her steady, and he said, "You are better than that. After everything with your mother…what you've heard about my father and Cragen…how could you…"

"When your only source of stability is gone, Elliot, what are you supposed to do?" She looked up at him and said, "What did you expect me to do?"

"Not this." He felt like crying. He felt like pulling her into his arms and never letting go. He could do neither. "Liv, you…you're gonna stay with me. At least until we find you a new place. And tonight...well, I don't want you alone tonight."

She shook her head. "Elliot, all of my stuff is on a U-Haul on its way to…"

"New York City," he said with a smile. "I called them. Told them I was your fiancée and we changed our minds about moving. I had your stuff re-routed back to…"

"What?" her voice cracked. "El…how could you…you…what?" She turned white and she couldn't breathe. "Why would you do that?" She flailed her arms angrily as she followed him off of the elevator.

He tilted his head toward her as he led her out of the building. "I made it perfectly clear that you weren't…"

"Damn it, Elliot!" she yelled, stopping on the sidewalk. "You always do this! You make decisions for me, you tell me what I can and can't do, who I can and can't date! You go behind my back and do stupid shit like ordering protective detail and…and I'm just…why can't you just…it would be so much easier if you…if you didn't…"

"Finish a sentence," he said, his jaw tight and his teeth clenched.

She looked up and said, "Didn't care so much."

It felt as if someone punched him hard, right in the lungs. His own words spouted back at him made him realize how hurtful they could be. "Liv," he breathed.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I can't…I can't do this anymore, El. When you were here, with me all the time, at least I could pretend it was all because I was your partner. But now…not…"

He took her hand and he squeezed. "I don't work with you anymore," he whispered. "That doesn't mean I'm not your partner. It doesn't mean I'm not here for you, whenever you need me." He looked into her eyes. "However you need me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked,

"You know what it means," he said, a darkness in his voice. "Anything. Any time. Anywhere. All you have to do is ask." He leaned closer to her. "I'm a gentleman, Liv, so I never made a real move, never led you on, but, God help me, if you would have ever even suggested that you wanted me…" he squeezed her hand harder. "There are other ways to escape. You don't need a bottle of Jack."

"I actually do need a drink right now," she mumbled, holding one hand to her chest, not believing what he was saying.

He chuckled bitterly. "Oh, no. Tonight, you are spending your evening on my couch, stone cold sober." He began walking toward his car. "And before you even ask, no, I'm not drunk. I know what a just said, and I know how shitty it all sounded, but…" he shrugged, "I'm being honest."

"Is this what you meant?" she asked snarkily, following him to his black SUV. "When you said we needed to talk, you think that just because I kissed you when I was so drunk I couldn't even remember my own name, that I want…"

He got into the driver's side, and he turned the key as she got into her seat. "That's not what I think, no," he told her. "But I know that there was more to it than a drunken mistake."

She chuckled. "Your ego has its own zip-code," she scoffed.

He smirked. "Liv, I may not have a lot of relationships under my belt, but I know how to tell when someone's in love."

"You son of a bitch," she seethed. "You honestly think…you're married!"

He laughed bitterly and rolled his eyes. "I've been using that excuse for years, but there's no denying it now, is there?"

"You wouldn't be saying any of this if I didn't make an ass out of myself last night," she said. "You're just…"

"Liv," he cut her off, "After Gitano, when I said…when I said all I had left was my job and you…" He blinked, his watery eyes leaking just a bit. "Well, now…I don't have my job anymore, so…"

She rested her head on one hand, leaning against the door. "Just say it."

"I meant that I'm not me without you, Liv," he whispered. "There is no Elliot Stabler without Olivia Benson. When I said we couldn't be partners anymore…I meant that I realized if we let things go the way they were going, Cragen would have to split us up so we could…so that I could…" he swallowed. It was a hard gulp. "I wanted you then. And I want you now. And now…well, we aren't partners anymore."

She eyed him carefully. She saw the tornado of emotions in his eyes and she watched his nostrils flare. "El," she said gently, "You're married." She closed her eyes. "I'm not going to…"

Her words were stopped. Her eyes remained closed as she felt his lips on hers. The shock and fear faded, her tense body relaxed, and one trembling had reached up to gently cup his cheek.

He pulled away slowly and he held her gaze as a few seconds of silence passed between them. "You weren't drunk that time," he whispered, "And you still kissed me."

"Why did you do that?" she asked, her voice low, dark, almost threatening.

He closed his eyes. "You wanted a reason to stay," he told her. "I'm giving you one."

She touched two fingers to her lips, she shook her head and closed her eyes, and she laughed in spite of being more depressed than ever. "We can't do this," she whispered.

"Stay," he pleaded, finally letting the built up tears fall. "And we can." He sniffled and said, "Not just because I want you, Liv. Stay because…"

She stopped breathing when he hesitated. She held her breath, hoping she would hear him say what he said when he thought she was asleep.

"Because I need you," he said with a trembling lower lip. "I need you. And you need me, I know you do."

Her heart broke at the sight of him crying, and she did the only thing she could do. She nodded and fell into his arms, crying with him. She didn't know what was happening, but letting it happen felt so good.

**A/N: Elliot's not the cheating type, and Olivia has limits, too. What will they do?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Wihdrawal can be a bitch. **

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

"You are so lucky she is down there sleeping on the couch," Kathy said, her arms folded as she sat up in the bed. "Or you would be."

"I can sleep on the couch, too, if that's really what you want," Elliot returned, pulling off his shirt.

Kathy scoffed. "Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

He rolled his eyes. "You want me to answer that?"

"Don't have to," she said, giving him a snort.

Elliot turned toward her. "Kath, she has nowhere else to go," he said. "I am her best…"

She interrupted him. "This is a big city, Elliot! There are hotels, new apartments, subway stations, shelter…"

"You would honestly let her sleep in a subway station?" Elliot asked, narrowing his eyes.

After thinking for a moment, Kathy sighed. "No," she said. "But I still don't understand…"

"I don't understand why you've had dinner with Doctor Montgomery every night this week," he said, running a hand down his face. "I still let you go."

Kathy raised an eyebrow. "Don't even try to compare…"

Her sentence was cut off by a loud crash and the sound of something shattering from downstairs.

"What the fuck?" Elliot wondered out loud, running out of the bedroom and bolting down the stairs.

Kathy squinted her eyes as she got out of the bed and followed after him. She took the stairs quickly, and she heard yelling coming from the kitchen. She ran in to find Elliot holding Olivia around the waist.

Olivia was struggling against him, kicking as he held her. "Let me go!" she shouted. There was blood on her shirt and no one could tell where she was hurt. "Damn it, Elliot! Let me go!"

"Put the bottle down!" he spat back, keeping his grip on her tight. "Liv, come on!" he growled.

"What the hell is going on?" Kathy asked.

Elliot grunted as he held on tightly to Olivia as she wrestled in his arms. "She couldn't find a bottle opener," he said. "So she broke the neck of the bottle on the counter." He glared at Kathy. "You still think she's fine?"

"Put me down!" Olivia yelled, elbowing him.

"Calm down, Liv," he begged, holding onto her. "Please?"

Kathy took a careful step forward. "Olivia," she whispered, slowly reaching for the broken wine bottle in her hand. "Give me the bottle."

Olivia stopped fighting. She was breathing heavily and had a desperate look in her eyes, mixed with anger. "Here," she said, thrusting it at her.

Kathy took the bottle and backed away slowly. She was shocked and confused. Olivia had always been the strongest person she knew, and to see her break like this was unnerving. "Are you all right?"

"Fucking perfect," she spat, her body trembling. It was then she noticed her hands, bloody and cut. "Oh, God," she said, stunned. "What have I…" she stopped and ran out of the kitchen.

Elliot flinched when he heard the bathroom door slam. He took a deep breath and brought himself to look at Kathy. "She needs help, Kathy. She needs me."

"I know she does," Kathy said, dropping the broken bottle into the sink. "But I don't want her in the house like this. She can't be around the kids if…"

"Kathy!" he hissed. "The safest place for her is in this house. I can keep her from…I owe her this."

"You owe her nothing!" Kathy yelled back to him. "God, Elliot, she isn't your partner anymore!" She dropped her voice a bit. "You can stop choosing her over me."

Elliot sighed. He shook his head just a bit and said, "Honestly, Kathy, I never chose her just because she was partner. I think you know that. Part of you has always known." He shrugged sadly. "Haven't you?"

Kathy pressed her lips together and took a slow step toward him. Then she raised a hand and slapped him, hard, across the face.

He waited, his head turned to the side as it reddened. He turned back toward her and asked, "What was that for?"

"Staying," she said to him. "Coming home when you knew you didn't want to. Sticking around, pretending you wanted this to work, convincing me to drop the div…"

"Eli," he interrupted. "I was not going to leave my son, Kathy!"

Kathy shook her head in disbelief. "Your son. Elliot Oliver Stabler, Elliot Junior, Eli," she scoffed. "I cannot believe I named him after you…you and that…that woman!"

"That woman?" he snapped. "You mean the woman that saved our son's life, and yours? The woman who is in our bathroom right now, scared out of her mind, waiting for someone to save her? That woman…is my best friend, my partner, for life."

Kathy swallowed hard and squeezed her eyes tight. "I know," she said. "I know, Elliot."

He pointed to her and said, "I never slept with her. I need you to know that. Nothing happened with her, ever. So whatever you and that surgeon are doing…" he stopped mid-sentence, shook his head, and left, heading for the bathroom.

He didn't knock, he just opened the door, and he gasped when he saw Olivia crumpled in a ball, sobbing, in front of the toilet. "Liv," he whispered, falling to her and pulling her into his arms.

"I'm sorry," she cried, her body wracking with her sobs as she curled into his bare chest.

He stroked her hair gently and shushed her. "Don't apologize for this," he said. "I did this, just as much as you did. I pushed you and you fell. We're in this together."

She shook her head and sniffled. "I shouldn't have…I mean, I shouldn't feel so…"

"It's okay," he interrupted, kissing her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Please," she said, sounding pitiful. "Tell me I'm not like my mother."

He blinked away the tears threatening to fall as his heart broke. "Oh, honey," he whispered. "You're not. You're not your mother. And I am not going to let you become anything like her, I swear."

She fell deeper into his body, curling herself around him. The collar of her shirt fell to the side, exposing the olive skin of her right shoulder.

Elliot gasped as he looked down at her skin. "Liv?"

She shook harder as she realized what he saw. "Don't ask," she said. "I don't even remember getting it. I was…"

"Drunk," he finished for her. He leaned back and tilted her chin up with one finger, forcing her to meet his eyes. "So you only want me when you're drunk. Is that it?"

She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "No, that's not what…"

"That's a tattoo, Liv. Of my name, on your shoulder. That's forever," he told her.

She sniffled again. "I know, okay? I know. I regret it enough as it is, and the fact that you…this is so humiliating," she mumbled, her head falling forward against his chest again.

"I'm asking," he began in a whisper, "If it's something you would have done if you were sober. Under different circumstances."

She ran her hand down his chest. "What are you…" she paused, noticing the streak of blood on his skin. "Oh, El, I'm sorry! I'm…"

"Shh." He reached up for the toilet paper and tore a bit off, holding it against the cut on her hand. "I told you not to apologize." He blotted at the cut but it wouldn't stop bleeding. He pulled more toilet paper down and wrapped it around her hand like gauze and said, "This is…this is serious, Liv. You need…"

"I know what I need," she interjected. She looked up at him, her eyes finishing her thought, and she knew he could read the message clearly. "El?"

He nodded slowly, then gently kissed her lips. The kiss was soft, but deep. Powerful. It made him shake as much as she was shaking. "I'm not leaving you alone, Liv. Not again." He pulled her tighter against him and felt her shivering, withdrawal kicking in full force.

She shuddered in his arms and began to sweat. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes. "Ya know," she said, "I made so many stupid mistakes, El. I fucked up. I can't remember half of the things I did, and the rest of it…I wish I could forget." She let out a soft sob and her voice cracked as she asked, quietly, "What am I supposed to do now?"

He was silent for a moment. He kissed the crown of her head and said, "Right now, you're gonna stay right here. You're not going through this alone."

A knock on the door got their attention, but they didn't pull apart. They both watched as the knob turned and the door slowly opened.

Kathy stepped inside, a soft look on her face. "Are you okay, Olivia?"

Olivia shook her head and another tear rolled down her cheek. "I'm sorry, she whispered. "For everything."

Kathy sighed. "I know you are," she said. "But we all make mistakes. I've made some huge ones." She looked pointedly at Elliot. "Trust me." She looked down then, and knelt to Olivia's level. "I brought you some water."

Olivia raised an eyebrow and reached her tissue-wrapped hand out to the glass. "Thanks," she whispered.

Elliot helped her sip and then glanced at Kathy. Truth passed between them in that moment.

"You tried," Kathy said, "Even harder than I did to keep my marriage from falling apart. I will never know why, but I will always thank you. I know you didn't…do anything. Not on purpose. Buy you…you need him now, and I'm here, ya know. If you decide that you need me."

Olivia was silent, her eyes were opened as more tears slipped from them.

"Liv?" Elliot called to her, nudging her.

Her eyes drifted shut as she stopped shaking. Her head fell backward limply

"Liv?" Elliot called again, shaking her now. "Liv!"

"Oh, my God," Kathy gasped, covering her mouth.

Elliot looked at her. "Shit," he spat, laying Olivia down. He checked her pulse, looked up at Kathy, and said, "Call Nine-One-One."

Kathy shot to her feet and ran.

Elliot looked back down at Olivia and slapped her cheeks gently. "Come on, baby, open your eyes."

He brushed her hair back, keeping two fingers in the crook of her neck. He pressed his lips to hers gently. "Stay with me, baby, come on. Look at me, Liv."

She rolled her head to the side and let out a soft groan, showing a sign of conciousness, and Elliot let out a relived cry. He lifted her into his arms, cradling her, rocking her. "Liv?" he asked. He heard her moan and he held her tighter. He kissed her temple and finally let himself cry. He wasn't going to lose her, not now. Not when he finally had her where he wanted her.

**A/N: She comes around, and she has to face the consequences of her drunken actions. What are they?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: The one that you love always has a way of surprising you.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

"Do you know why I'm here, Olivia?" Doctor Huang asked.

She bit her lip as she looked at the doctor. "Yeah," she said. "Elliot dragged you down here after the EMT left."

Huang sighed. "He did. He's very worried about you. He cares about you, very much."

"Bullshit," she hissed. Her eyes were fiery and glassy. She believed the words that had come out of her mouth.

"Why do you think he doesn't?" Huang asked, leaning forward. "He called me before calling your captain, he hasn't told anyone what happened last night, other than the medic and myself. He's protecting you from a lot of things. So, tell me, why don't you believe he does care about you?"

She noticed her hands were trembling, then, and she balled them into fists. "Someone who cares about you…doesn't leave you alone like that. They don't leave without talking to you," she said. "And don't even bring up Oregon, because I didn't have a choice there. I would have told him if I could have. He just…resigned. Quit. Left me without a partner, without…him. No phone call, no conversation…then out of the blue one day I finally get a call, and he acts like nothing's fucking changed." She turned her head. "It doesn't work like that, Elliot!"

Elliot, sitting beside her on his couch, ran a hand down his face. "I explained, that night, Liv," he said. "I told you everything, when I could."

A tear rolled down her cheek. "Yeah, well, you were too late."

"I see that," he said with a nod. "But I'm not too late to save you now, am I? You passed out, in my arms, last night! Do you have any idea how scared I am? Jesus, I'm terrified! You need to deal with…"

"I need to deal with the fact that I should be moving into a penthouse in California, but instead I'm here with you," she interrupted. "I need to deal with the fact that everything I own is in a storage unit downtown because you brought it all back, which I didn't ask you to do. Which I didn't want you to do!"

Elliot shifted in his seat. "Liv, I…I just wanted to keep you here until we figured this out. I always pull shit like this when I think I'm losing you, and you…"

"You lost the right to do that six months ago, Elliot," she said, angry. "You don't get to do that anymore."

He narrowed his eyes. "I will never stop fighting for you."

She looked away from him and wiped her eyes. "Can I please go now?"

Huang cleared his throat. "Elliot, maybe if you told Olivia why…"

"She knows why," he said, shaking his head. "She's just too afraid to admit it. She knows why I didn't…why I couldn't tell her I was leaving the unit. She would have talked me out of it and…I didn't want her to…I can't stand to see her cry."

Huang turned to Olivia. "I can see what's happening here, Olivia. So I know that you can." He picked up a pen. "We can save that for another session. Now, we need to get to the bottom of your problem. When did the heavy drinking start?"

"Six months ago," she said through gritted teeth. "It was…I just didn't want to feel so lost. So hurt. I didn't want to feel…anything."

"Okay," Huang said. "And how often did these binges of yours lead to blackouts?"

She turned her head. "Look," she sighed, resting her hands on her thighs. "This is stupid. You don't need to know, I don't need to talk about it, everything I did or…"

"Liv," Elliot interrupted, taking her hand and feeling it tremble, "Please?"

She blinked. "Once a week, maybe more," she said. "I don't…God, I don't remember."

"Tell me what you do remember," Huang said, making notes in his book. "Olivia, I know you're uncomfortable, but you need this evaluation. If anyone finds out about this, your job could be…"

"I know," she said, nodding. She sniffled and said, "I remember…trying so hard to forget him that I would lose myself in anyone who could help me do that. I remember waking up in strange beds, pissed off that I'd woken up at all. I remember going to work, getting called in the middle of the night, and praying no one noticed that I smelled like the bar, or like sex, or like…death. Hoping no one could see me stumbling over my own feet or hear me slurring my words. And God forbid someone mentioned his name around me…I'd…"

Elliot squeezed her hand, and Olivia pulled it away from him.

"Stop it," she whispered to him.

"You're turning down the offer for rehab," Huang said, still writing. "Why?"

"Don't need it," she said, her knee bobbing.

Huang furrowed his brow. "Given your family history, Olivia, I think you should consider…"

"I think you should consider shutting the fuck up about my family history," she shouted. "You only have half of it, anyway. Simon told me less than shit about my father."

Huang ran a hand down his face. "All right," he said. "You don't want to talk about what's been going on with you, why don't you talk to me about work?" He shifted in his seat. "Tell me about Detective Amaro."

Olivia glared at Huang. "Nothing to tell you," she said. "We don't really get along. He's just another cop, with a perfect wife, and a perfect family." She bit her lip. "That's all I really know about him. I learned my lesson, and won't make the mistake of getting close to him."

Elliot let his head hit the back of the couch. "So now getting close to me was a mistake?"

"It would have saved me years of misery, so…" she shrugged, "No," she whispered, hazarding a glance at him.

Huang noticed the way they were looking at each other, and then he sighed. "Well, I should go. After all, this is strictly voluntary, Detective Benson. No one is forcing you to do this. At least, not yet. If you really feel like you don't need my help…"

"Great," she said, standing. "Then I'm gonna go." She walked toward the front door, leaned over, and grabbed her duffle bag. She sniffled and looked at Elliot. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to deal with me last night. You…shouldn't have to deal with me like this at all." Fresh tears dripped down her cheeks.

"Liv," Elliot said, his heart stopping. "Sit down. It's gonna be…"

She shook her head and stifled a sob. "I'm so fucking grateful that your kids didn't wake up because the last thing I want to do is scare them, or give them the impression that I'm…what I am." She turned the knob and said, "Tell Kathy I said thanks."

"Liv!" Elliot said, standing sharply. "What are you talking about? Where are you going?"

She closed her eyes. "I can't stay here, Elliot. I can't stay with you. Not like this. You and Kathy…you don't need this right now. I'll call you." She walked through the door, and with one last look at Elliot, she whispered, "Goodbye."

Elliot stood still, his heart pounding. He looked at Huang, then he turned back to the door. He had to a make a choice, a split-second decision that would change his entire life. He thought, only for a moment, and he came to the only possible conclusion. "Shit," he spat, running out of his house and down his steps. He saw her, not too far ahead of him, and he ran faster. Finally, he reached for her.

She felt him grab her, felt him spin her around, but before she could even look at him, his lips were on hers. The surprised yelp from her throat was muffled by his mouth. His body was pressed against hers, she could feel his heart pounding against his chest.

He didn't know what he was doing, only that it had never felt more right to be kissing anyone in his life. He ran his hands up her arms, he cupped her face, feeling her tears hit the tips of his fingers. He brushed them away as he gently swiped his tongue over the ridge of her lips.

She gasped, opening her mouth enough for him to slip into, and she moaned and cried at the same time, feeling him kiss her so deeply, feeling that he meant it.

His hands trailed back down her body and looped themselves around her waist, making sure she couldn't move. He heard the bag in her hand fall, hitting the sidewalk, and he let out a cry of his own when he felt her arms wrap around him, holding him close.

She pulled her lips off of his, and rested her head on his shoulder, squeezing him tighter.

"Don't leave me, Liv," he whispered, breathing hard in her ear. "Please, stay with me. I can't…just…stay."

Closing her eyes and letting the last of her tears fall, she exhaled and said, "Okay."

Huang, standing on the stoop of Elliot's house, shook his head. He understood what was happening, he only hoped Olivia and Elliot understood the consequences.

**A/N: Next: A morning at work sparks a conversation between Nick and Olivia. Kathy and Elliot reach a startling conclusion, and Olivia's will power is tested, in more ways than one, and she falls…but not alone. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: ****A kiss is just a kiss. A drink is just a drink.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

"You're in rare form, today, Olive," Nick said, popping his gum at his desk after watching her slam down the phone. "You okay?"

She didn't look at him. "Stop calling me that!" she spat. "Really fucking annoying," she mumbled, staring at a framed photo on her desk.

Nick furrowed his brow. "What happened?" he asked. "You've had this odd look on your face all day, and if you keep touching your mouth like that, your lips are gonna fall off."

She absently rubbed two fingers over her lower lip, ignoring what he said. She couldn't help it. She could still feel the heat of Elliot's lips on hers, she could still taste him, she still felt his arms around her as they hugged and cried, not letting the salt of their tears interrupt their kiss. "Nothing," she murmured.

"Olive, I know you. Something..."

"You don't fucking know me!" she interrupted, turning to face him. "You don't know anything about me."

Nick suddenly looked sad. "Whose fault is that?" he asked sheepishly. "I'm trying, Oliv...ia," he said. "You just won't let me in. I'm not Elliot, but I am your partner now."

"Right," she said with a sigh. "You're not Elliot." She shook her head and lowered her eyes. She sighed, then, and said, "Sorry, it's just...something happened that...shouldn't have."

Nick looked around, then smirked. Joking, he said, "Who'd you sleep with? Someone in the unit?"

Olivia's head spun toward him. Her eyes glinted. "What?" She blinked. "Are you...is that really what you think of..."

Nick balked and interrupted. "I'm sorry. I was kidding."

She ran a hand through her hair and said, "I had a rough night, okay? I single handedly ended a marriage last night."

"It's never just one person," Nick said, biting his lip. "It's a two way street. So whoever this guy is...he ruined his own marriage before you were even a factor in the equation."

She swallowed and closed her eyes. "They were having problems, but I..."

Nick interrupted her again. "It takes two to Tango, Olivia, and if he so much as got out on the dance floor with you, he's just as responsible."

She felt guilty as she said, "He didn't just dance with me, he was leading. I tried to...I mean, I never would have made a move if he didn't."

"There ya go," Nick said, nodding. "He probably couldn't fight it anymore, ya know? As they say, you don't know what you've got till it's gone, so maybe not being with you all the time made him realize..."

"What?" she interjected, her brow furrowed.

"We are talking about Stabler," he said with a grin. "Aren't we?"

Olivia leaned back in her chair. "Am I really that transparent?"

"No," Nick said with a laugh as he shook his head. "He's standing right behind you looking smug."

Olivia's head turned and she dropped her jaw, then closed her mouth and just looked puzzled. "What are you doing here?"

Elliot took a step toward her, then held out a single white rose. "Do you know," he began, "How hard it was to find this?" He dragged the bud of the flower down her face gently before handing it to her. "Every rose in the city, apparently, is red."

She took the flower, but didn't look any less confused. "Okay," she said, sniffing the flower before laying it on her desk. "But what are you doing here?"

He smiled and knelt down in front of her chair. "I came to take you home," he told her.

She turned to face him more fully. "You drove all the way out here, spent a good hour to find parking because you don't have a permit for the lot anymore, just to drive all the way back to Queens? I could have just hailed a cab." She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. "You don't trust me."

"What?" It was his turn to be confused. "I just wanted to spend some time with..."

"You think if I'm alone after work, I'm gonna go to O'Malley's," she said, folding her arms.

He leaned closer to her. "When did you get so cynical?"

She shook her head and sighed. "I just...I figured if I couldn't trust myself then you shouldn't eith...wait., does Kathy know you're..."

"I had a nice, long talk with Kathy this morning," he said, cutting her off. "We really have been hanging onto something that wasn't worth hanging onto. And she finally told me what all those business dinners were about," he said with an eye roll. "They got down to business all right."

"El," Olivia started, but he held up a hand.

"They were just like us, Liv," he said with a shrug. "Fighting it, trying not to lose that control, and they haven't...yet." He gave her a knowing smile. "They were waiting, like we are. Well, were."

A throat cleared. Nick was looking at them, slightly irritated, as they turned their heads. "We still have work to do, Stabler, so either wait for her outside or go upstairs and..."

"I don't like you," Elliot said, sneering.

Nick scoffed. "When did I give you the impression I like you?" He pointed. "I like her. So I tolerate you. I'm not above punching you, if I have to."

Elliot stood then, glaring at him. "Do you have a death wish, pal?"

"Elliot!" Olivia shouted, standing. "Knock it off!" She looked at him and said, "Go upstairs. Now."

He huffed as he looked back at her. "You don't like him either."

"She doesn't like me because I'm not you," Nick said, not caring how it came out. "You are all she's known for twelve years, Stabler. All she's had, at work and...well, at all. You have no idea how deeply you hurt her when you dropped her like a hot potato, and..."

" I didn't drop her like..." he grunted. "Jesus! I was in therapy, you asshole! I couldn't call her!"

Olivia flinched, knowing it hurt him to say it out loud, in a room full of people who had assumed he was stronger than that. "El, easy, baby," she whispered, clasping both of her hands around his balled up fist. "Calm down."

"No, Liv," he spat, pulling his hand out of hers. "They need to know that I would never just leave you like that! Especially him." He shook his head. "Not if I had a choice."

"No one needs to know that but me," she whispered back to him. "Why is it suddenly so important that..."

He interrupted her with a hard kiss, clutching the sides of her face, almost desperately. He pulled back, searching her eyes. He saw shock, fear, and he breathed deeply when he saw love reflecting back at him. "That's why," he said.

She placed her hands over his, and she slid them off of her face. "El," she said softly, "Go upstairs. Please. I'll...I'll be up in a few minutes, I just..."

"Yeah," he scoffed. He shook his head and shot an aggravated look at Nick. "You'd better watch yourself, Amaro."

"Or what, Stabler?" Nick asked, folding his arms.

Elliot's eyes narrowed. "You don't wanna know," he spat, then he turned and walked up the stairs, heading for the cribs out of habit, then veering toward the green room.

"Well," Nick said, sitting back down, "At least you got him back, the way you want him."

Olivia turned. "I didn't want...not like..." she bit her lip, and her hand flew to her mouth. She felt the hot tingle, the remains of his kiss, and she couldn't help but smile. "Maybe I do."

Nick laughed. "Now maybe we can get some fucking work done around here," he joked.

Olivia, showing some kind of friendliness to him for the first time, slapped him in the arm with a folder and laughed.

Nick gasped in mock astonishment. "You can smile!"

Olivia rolled her eyes, and her head turned toward the stairs, where her gaze met Elliot's. "Yeah, Amaro," she said. "I can."

* * *

><p>It took another fifteen minutes for them to finish their paperwork, and Olivia made her way up the stairs. She walked into the room, looking around at it, her eyes landing on the torn, yellow couch. "Hey," she said, smiling at him.<p>

He sat up and reached for her, and he smiled when she slipped her hand into his. "Cragen told me," he said softly, running the pad of his thumb along the side of her hand.

"About what?" she asked.

"Nick took you to O'Malley's for lunch," he said, narrowing his eyes. "And you had coffee. Just coffee."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "I'm not the type of person who drinks before noon, Elliot. And I don't...I didn't drink with people I know. It was usually alone, in the middle of the night."

"Yeah," he said, brushing her hair back. "That's why I don't plan on leaving you alone in the middle of the night. Not because I don't trust you, but..."

"Because you know how hard it is to resist temptation," she finished. "Yeah. I get it."

He kissed her forehead. "I know this is gonna sound crazy, but..."

"I found an apartment," she interrupted. "Here. Not in...not in California."

He smiled. "You're staying?"

"After everything...yesterday...last night," she shook her head, trying to speak. "How can I leave now?"

He dropped her head to hers, he nuzzled her nose lightly, and he said, "Thank the Lord."

"He had very little to do with this, El," she chuckled. She kissed him, hesitating and nervous, and only for a second.

He narrowed his eyes and scoffed at her before pulling her into a much deeper kiss. He moaned a bit, though, when someone came through the doorway. he was hoping she wouldn't notice, and kept kissing her.

"Hey!" a voice yelled.

They pulled apart, much to Elliot's dismay, and saw Fin standing before them. "Yeah?" she asked, wiping the corners of her mouth shyly.

Fin smirked. "We're goin' down to Shelly's Pub. Celebrate closing the night early, and we thought it'd be cook to have you hang with us, Stabler. Like old times."

Olivia tensed up, but Elliot took her hand. "Sure," he said, answering for them. He nodded and kissed Olivia's temple. He whispered, "You won't drink alone tonight, and I'm not going to let you drink at all."

She turned to him and, with a sharp breath, she said, "With you there, I won't have to." She smiled at him, they both rose, and walked out of the room and downstairs with Fin.

The night would test them, both of them, and would lead to saying things, doing things, they'd never be able to take back.

**A/N: ?**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:****When you're used to failing, success is hard to swallow. **

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

Her eyes twitched as she slowly drifted from a deep sleep to the early stages of consciousness. She rolled to her side, reaching for the alarm clock, but instead finding a head. She opened one eye, an attempt to see who she'd made the mistake of going home with this time, and she let out a small scream and shot up.

"What the..." he shouted, waking with a start, looking around. He finally focused on her, shaking and wide-eyed. "Jesus, Liv," he gasped, a hand over his heart. "Are you okay?"

She was pale, trembling as she shook her head. "What...what hap...not you. I didn't want to...fuck it, Elliot! Not you! I always thought...I wanted to fucking remember if it was you...I..."

"Whoa," he whispered, reaching for her face. He cupped it in both of his hands. "Slow down. Breathe, Liv. Nothing happened."

"Don't lie to me to make me feel better, Elliot," she snapped, pulling away from him and attempting to get out of the bed. "I can't fucking believe..."

"I swear," he interrupted. "Nothing happened. You didn't even drink last night. I wouldn't let you, remember?"

She looked back at him, one eyebrow raised. She took a breath, took a moment, and again she shook her head. "Elliot, I'm so used to waking up with someone I don't even remember meeting that...this is a little weird for me. I think I remember everything, but then part of me assumes there has to be something I've blacked out on, and I can't...you sure I didn't have anything to drink?"

"Not a single drop," he said, shaking his head. "I swear. We had soda all night, it got late, we came back here. I didn't want you on the couch again, so I just...I held you all night, we kissed, we fell asleep."

She closed her eyes, remembering everything exactly as he said, but still confused and scared. "Are you sure?"

He ran a hand down his face as he scooted closer to her. "Liv, you...do you really think I would...even if we had been drinking...do you honestly think I would take advantage of you like that?"

"I don't know," she whispered. A tear threatened to fall as she took another seep breath. "I don't know you anymore, Elliot. Hell, I don't even know myself anymore."

He cupped her face gently, again, and kissed the end of her nose. "I'm not so sure who either of us are right now, either, but I want to find out." He kissed her forehead and looked back into her eyes. "More than anything."

She looked at him, realizing that for the first time in a long time her vision was crystal clear. She smiled and moved slowly, pressing her lips to his gently, as if she was afraid to hurt him. "Me, too," she whispered.

He smiled and kissed her, firmly this time, assuring her he wouldn't break, and ran a hand down her back.

She pulled away from him when she heard her phone ringing. "I have to get that," she said softly.

"I know you do," he sighed. "Is it weird to say I'm pissed off that I'm not going with you?"

She chuckled a bit as she answered, getting the location of the scene and details of the crime. "Be right there," she spat before hanging up. She kissed him once more as she forced herself out of the bed, and she looked down, seeing her clothes still on.

"I told you," he said with a shrug. "Nothing happened."

She smiled at him and grabbed her gun and badge off of the nightstand. "I'll see you later," she said.

"Damn right you will," he said with a wink, getting out of the bed himself. He watched her leave and his heart broke a bit more, as it did each time he remembered he wasn't going to be there to protect her, to comfort her, to fight with her and for her. He cracked his knuckles as he stepped out into the hallway, hoping to God that Nick Amaro could do his job, and praying the if he couldn't, Liv would be okay, anyway.

He roused his kids, then headed into the kitchen to make breakfast, but he paused and tilted his head, seeing a note on the refrigerator. He plucked it off and read it, then closed his eyes. "Shit," he spat, staring at the divorce attorney's phone number and court date, written in Kathy's curvy script.

* * *

><p>"Hey," Nick spat, walking after Olivia under the crime scene tape. "What was that back there?"<p>

"What?" she asked, turning to him, raising an eyebrow.

Nick scoffed. "You second-guessed everything Warner said, you kept interrupting me...Olive, if you wanna work alone, just..."

"For the love of all things green and rosy, stop calling me that," she said, rolling her eyes and gesturing at him. "I second-guessed her because I think she's wrong, I was interrupting you because you were making it the victim's fault, like you always do."

Offended, he folded his arms. "I don't always..."

"Yes, Amaro," she barked, interrupting him, "You do." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry, but you do. And I don't wanna work alone, I just..."

"Don't wanna work with me," he finished for her. "Why not?"

She swallowed hard and pressed her lips together. "You're...you're too much like..."

"You afraid you're gonna get close again? Afraid I'll leave like he did?" Nick questioned, over her. "I can't promise you I'm not leaving, I might someday, Olive, but getting close? How is that bad? Everyone needs a friend, and if you can't trust your partner..."

"Then it's time to get a new one," she completed, almost a whisper, having said the same thing to Elliot years ago. "I know. I...maybe I could..."

"Detective Benson," Melinda Warner called from beyond the tape. She shook her head when Olivia and Nick looked at her. "You were right. We found the gun. Serial number's been filed off."

Olivia smirked, then turned to look back at Nick. "This, I believe, is an appropriate time to say 'I told you so."

Nick chuckled and shook his head. "Okay, okay, Olive. I get your point." He leaned closer and whispered, "Just because I'm married, Catholic, and gave you a nickname within an hour of knowing...it doesn't mean I'm like him. I promise. Get to know me. I'm a complete dick."

She laughed, smiling at him a bit. "So's he," she said, and she turned to head back under the tape to examine the gun.

Nick watched her move, smirking as her ass wiggled with her walk, and he shook his head. "Always want what ya can't have," he mumbled, finally walking after her.

* * *

><p>After talking to the victim's parents, spending hours in the morgue with Warner, and drinking more coffee than she cared to admit, Olivia walked back into the squad room with Nick close behind her.<p>

"You two look like hell," Fin said, nodding at them.

"You're such a charmer," Olivia snipped, smirking.

Nick laughed. "Hey, we only look like hell because it's been a long fucking day. We actually had a pretty nice evening together, if you subtract the dead seventeen year old, crazy father, and bitchy medical examin..."

"Watch it," Fin warned.

Nick raised an eyebrow. "She's nice. Sweet girl."

"Better," Fin laughed. Turning to look at Olivia. "You been a good mood all day. What's up?"

Olivia shrugged. "Couldn't tell ya," she said.

"Oh," Munch piped up. "You got a phone call from Kathy Stabler. Said it was important. Cragen took the message for you."

Olivia's face fell. Her stomach turned. "Thanks," she said, walking toward Cragen's door. She knocked, but getting no answer she turned the knob. "Cap?" she questioned, looking around the empty room.

She cleared her throat and took two steps, closing the door behind her. She walked toward his desk, biting her lip as she scanned the surface. She found the pile of pink message slips, flipped through them, and found her message from Kathy.

She sat in Cragen's chair with a deep sigh as she read his barely legible scrawl. She closed her eyes, hating herself for all that she had become, all that she had been lately. She shook her head and tried to forget the feel of his lips on hers, his hands on her skin. She tried to forget that she wanted him, needed him, and dare she think it, loved him.

"Fuck," she spat, scrunching up the pink note. she tossed it in the bin beside the desk and dropped her head into her hands. Suddenly, she remembered something. With wide eyes and determined hands she pulled open the bottom, left-hand drawer of Cragen's desk, pulling out the unopened bottle of vodka he kept there for his detectives when they had a rough night, he always said.

She stared at it, felt the weight of it in her hands, and gnashed on her bottom lip as she opened the bottle. She pulled a shot glass out of the drawer, pouring slowly, mesmerized by the flow of the clear, liquid fire. She put the bottle down and picked up the shot glass. She closed her eyes and raised the glass to her lips, but she stopped before drinking it.

His face flashed behind her eyelids. His voice echoed in her ears. She licked her lips and tossed the glass into the bin, then grabbed the bottle. She got out of the leather seat and moved fast toward the open window, and without looking down she chucked the vodka out and watched it fall, shattering on the pavement below, stopping three men in suits and a woman with a small dog in their tracks.

She laughed at their shocked faces as they looked up to see where the projectile had come from. She shrugged and pulled her head back into the office.

"That's my girl," she heard a voice say, and she turned toward the door. She saw him, his smiling face and bright eyes beaming at her.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked, folding her arms.

He smirked and walked over to her. "Long enough to watch you make your own choice," he said, running both hands down her arms. "I guess I don't need to be the one to keep you from making mistakes anymore. You can do it yourself."

"Trust me, El," she said softly. "You had a bigger part in that than you realize." She smiled and moved her hands, letting them fall to his waist. "What are you doing here?"

He frowned slightly and said, "Had to talk to Tucker. I, uh, I'm not welcome at this particular precinct anymore. Cragen made a few calls, I can start with Queens Homicide if..."

"You wanna go back to work?" she asked, interrupting him, her eyes widening.

He sighed. "I don't have a choice," he said. "I talked to Kathy's lawyer today, and she wants half of everything we've acquired as a married couple, and since that's pretty much everything I've got considering we've been married since I was eighteen..."

"Yeah," she said softly. "I'm sorry, El. I never meant for this to..."

"It wasn't you," he cut in again. "I told you that a thousand times. You may have been the final nail in the coffin, but, honey, I have been hammering all by myself for years."

She laughed and looked at him, a long moment passing before she saw him lean toward her. She let him kiss her, despite the guilt that still gnawed at her, and she gripped his skin a bit harder.

He moaned, involuntarily reacting to her touch, and moved her back against the wall. He skimmed his hands up and down her body as their kiss deepened, his body pressing into hers.

She whimpered a bit, hating that she loved it, and loved him, and she fell with him, following wherever he would lead.

His hand had barely slinked up under her shirt when a throat cleared. They leaped apart and straightened up, almost standing at attention.

"Hey, Cap," Olivia said, looking away from him.

"Don," Elliot said with a nod, "How ya doin?"

Cragen smirked. "I saw you five minutes ago, Elliot, I'm fine." He folded his arms. "I know you two know the phrase 'get a room," he said, teasing, "But that room is not now, nor will it ever be, my office. Clear?"

"Crystal," Elliot said, licking his lips. "I just...um...I'm gonna go," he said, turning back to Olivia. "I'll see you at home. Maureen's making dinner, so stop and get some Pepto or Tums or something."

She laughed and nodded, waving slightly. She watched him leave, then looked at Cragen. "I'm gonna...I have to...me and Nick, ya know, um...paperwork."

Cragen, still smirking, nodded. "Bye, Olivia." He laughed as she left and sat in his seat, but seeing the open drawer and missing bottle, his head snapped back up toward the door. He thought the worst, only for a moment, then knowingly got up and looked out the window at the sidewalk below. He grinned. "That's my girl."

**A/N: A dinner with Elliot and the kids, a conversation with Kathy, and a moment between Elliot...and Nick. Next?**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: When things go right for someone so used to being wrong…**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

"Irreconcilable differences, dissolution of marriage," the judge said, almost mockingly. He read the paper in his hands and said, "This seems like a very amicable divorce. I don't see much of those."

Kathy smiled sadly. "It's a mutual decision, Your Honor. We aren't bitter about any of this."

The judge eyed her suspiciously. "And these custody documents," he said, holding up a thick stack of paper. "These arrangements are final? You're happy with them?"

"Joint custody," Kathy said with a nod. "He's a wonderful father. Our children are his whole world." A tear rolled down her cheek, but she flicked it away.

The judge turned to Elliot, then, and raised an eyebrow. "These arrangements work for you?"

Elliot nodded. "Perfect," he said, folding his hands.

The judge shook his head and sighed. "Direct split of all assets acquired in the course of your marriage, funds must be divided no later than December Thirty-First, including proceeds and profits from the sale of any and all property and vehicles. Is that clear?"

Elliot cleared his throat. "Yes, Your Honor," he said, shooting Kathy a glance.

"Well, then," the judge said, handing Elliot a long document. "Sign this, and you're divorce will be processed as soon as possible." He watched as Elliot sighed and signed the form, then he took it back and slid it over to Kathy, on the other side of the table.

Kathy hesitated a moment, then lifted her pen and signed her name. She passed the document back to the judge.

"You will both get a copy of this from your lawyers, as well as copies of the stipulations in your custody contract, which need to be met by the first of next month," the man told them. "Any last words to say to each other as husband and wife?"

Kathy scoffed. "It was a thrilling ride, but I'm glad it's over."

"Thanks," Elliot huffed.

The two shared a smile, and then each took a folder from their lawyers. Elliot was the first to stand, eager to leave. He shook the judge's hand, then his lawyer's, then strode over to Kathy. He kissed her on the cheek and said, "You know I love you, right?"

"But I'm not in love with you," she finished. "I know. Me, too, Elliot." She shrugged and said, "I'll have everything packed by the time you get home from work. I called a realtor last night, we can just sell the…"

"Excuse me," the judge interrupted. "Do you two mind taking that into the hall? I do have other cases to run in here," he said, his eyes narrow.

Elliot laughed and shook his head, then led Kathy out of the courtroom. He walked her out of the courthouse and down the street to a café to make some very final decisions that would change everything.

* * *

><p>The door slammed, Elliot looked up from the file in his hands. "Hey, Liv," he said, sitting up straighter. "Something wrong?"<p>

Olivia glared at him as she stepped over the sealed boxes strewn on the floor. "You son of a bitch," she snapped at him. "I went to pick up my keys from my new landlord and do you what he told me?"

Elliot bit his lip. "He told you that someone called and told him you didn't want the apartment anymore," he said. "I swear, I will give you back the money you lost on that deposit, I just…I need a favor from you."

She chuckled bitterly. "This is the second time in less than a month that you've lost an apartment for me, and now you want me to do you a favor? Are you out of your mind?"

He rose from the couch and dropped the file onto the coffee table before stepping closer to her. He sighed and ran a hand down his face. "Court order," he began, "I need to have a place with a bedroom for each of my kids by the end of the month. Liv, I can't even afford a two bedroom house in this neighborhood by myself, so I need you…"

"You want me to buy a house with you?" she asked, interrupting him and narrowing her eyes. She ran a hand through her hair. "El, I'm not even sure if I'm staying in…"

He grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes harshly, shutting her up. "You're not leaving me," he told her. "Look around! Things are changing! My marriage is over, I've got a new job at a new station, a new partner, I have to sell my house and my car…Liv, I'm completely starting over, here, and I wanna do it with you."

Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but a younger voice beat her to it.

"Dad?" Kathleen asked, standing in the kitchen archway. "Dinner's ready." She turned her head. "Hi, Olivia."

Olivia forced her confused face into a smile. "Hi, sweetheart."

"Mom's staying for dinner, but then she's going to Grandma's so you two don't have to…you know," Kathleen said with a smirk.

"No," Elliot said, folding his arms, "We don't know. Why does that matter?"

Kathleen rolled her eyes and headed back into the kitchen. "You know!"

Elliot and Olivia looked at each other nervously, then followed the teen into the other room. They sat around the table and fixed their dishes.

"All of the good stuff is packed," Kathy said with a sigh. "We'll have to make due with paper plates and plastic forks. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Elliot said, squinting. "You know I never cared about what…"

Kathy tilted her head. "Well, I thought Olivia might…technically, she's a guest and…"

"I'm so used to eating out of paper cartons from Mister Chow's that this is actually nice," Olivia said, cutting her off.

Kathy smiled and took a bite of her chicken. "Okay," she laughed. "So, uh, Elliot, how was work?"

"Yeah, Dad," Dickie piped up. "How's your new partner?"

Elliot swallowed his mouthful of potatoes and smiled as he looked at Olivia. "He's nothing like my last one."

Olivia felt awkward. She felt everyone staring at her, it was uncomfortable. "I have to…um…go," she mumbled, then quickly got up, throwing her paper napkin onto the table, and bolted from the room.

Elliot immediately ran after her, leaving his kids and Kathy to eat in confusion.

"She's still not okay," Lizzie said. "Is she?"

Kathy looked at her daughter. "She's going through a lot, honey. We all are. She'll be just fine. I hope."

There were a few more nervous glances, then they waited in silence for Olivia and Elliot to return.

* * *

><p>By the time Elliot made it outside to Olivia, who's run onto the porch, she had a hand over her heart and was struggling to catch her breath. "Liv," he whispered, moving quickly toward her.<p>

She felt his hand on her back, felt him rubbing in slow, easy circles. She took a deep breath and shook her head. She felt his other hand snake around her waist, then, and let him pull her into him.

"Breathe," he said softly.

"Sorry," she returned. "I just…I can't…You can't finalize your divorce and ask me to buy a house with you in the same day! Your children shouldn't look at me like they expect me to be their stepmother, and your wife shouldn't be so goddamned nice to me! I don't…this isn't…"

"Calm down," he managed to say. "You're actually upset because this is all going so smoothly? Are you really panicking because this isn't a huge…" he paused, he narrowed his eyes. "You wanted an excuse to leave."

She looked up at him. "No, that's not what…"

He interrupted again. "You wanted this to be a pain in the ass, you wanted this all to be a problem because you wanted me to get mad at you, blame you, make you leave." He brushed her hair back and whispered, "Never would have happened." He kissed her forehead. "You're my strength, Liv. My rock. Even if this whole thing became a fucking shit-storm, I wouldn't push you away."

She fell into him, letting him really hold her now. "Stubborn son of a bitch," she chuckled. She felt herself trembling, her body still adjusting to the lack of alcohol.

"I am," he said, kissing the very top of her head. "You're not broken, baby," he whispered to her. "Stop thinking of yourself as a burden and just let me take care of you, huh?"

She stared into his eyes. "How do you always know what I…"

She was interrupted by the screeching of tires, and the two turned their heads to see Nick Amaro pull up to the house in a red Ferrari. "What the fuck?" Elliot hissed.

"Hey, Olive!" Nick yelled. "We got a hot one! Get in the car!"

Elliot, still holding onto Olivia, shouted back at him. "You're supposed to call her if you get…"

"No time!" Amaro yelled. "Come on!" He honked the horn obnoxiously.

Olivia sighed and looked at Elliot. "I am…I'm just gonna follow your lead on this, El. Whatever happens, it happens. I'm not running, I'm not looking for a reason to run." She kissed his lips softly, smirking as she felt Elliot cupping her ass, and said, "I'll be back soon."

"I'll wait up for you," he told her, holding onto her hand until she was too far out of reach, and he watched her get into the red car and drive off. He growled slightly, feeling even more disdain for Nick Amaro.

* * *

><p>As soon as she stepped into the smoky bar, Olivia had her phone in her hands, sending a rapid series of texts to Elliot. She looked around, biting her lip, hoping he'd come get her soon. She didn't trust herself here, but Nick insisted on taking her out.<p>

"You're way too stressed out," he told her after they dropped off their victim's rape kit to Warner. "You need to relax."

Olivia protested, but Nick drove her to the nearest bar, and now she was stuck with him, listening to him tell her how she needed a good, stiff drink. "I'm really okay," she told him, "You go ahead though."

Nick sat, patting the bench next to him. He watched Olivia sit and then he signaled the bartender. "You sure you don't want…"

"No," she said, shaking her head. She fired off another next to Elliot, her knee shaking.

Nick noticed this and took the phone out of her hands. "Olive," he said, sliding a hand up her arm, "You need to breathe a little deeper and stop thinking about whatever it is that keeps you so edgy." He gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Just let everything go and…"

She brushed his hand off of her. "I'm really okay," she said, narrowing her eyes. "I don't need a drink to help me relax."

Nick laughed as he took a sip of the beer that had just been dropped in front of him. "If you say so," he said. "So you gonna tell me what's up?"

"Nothing," she replied. "I think…I just think everything's finally coming together…and I guess…I guess that scares me a little bit. I'm not used to having things go right for me, there's always some kink in the plan, always some fucking issue pushing back at me, and this time…" she looked at Nick, realizing she was babbling. "You really don't care, do you?"

He chuckled and took another sip of his beer. "I care," he told her. "I care so much I'm buying you a drink. Hey, Pete! Gimme a Tom Collins for the lady, would ya?"

"Nick," she hissed with gritted teeth. "I don't want a drink!"

The bartender dropped the glass and took Nick's money, then walked away whistling.

Nick took a good look at Olivia. "Is it that you don't want a drink, or you don't wanna drink with me?" He leaned closer to her a bit. "You don't trust yourself with me, do you?"

She rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Oh, my God, what, do all married, Catholic cops have huge fucking egos?"

"Only if they've got a damn good reason," Nick told her, downing the drink he bought for her. He grimaced as he swallowed. "Shit, that was strong."

Olivia narrowed her eyes then. "You talk to your wife lately?"

"This morning," he said, lifting a hand and brushing her hair behind her ear. "You really are…very beautiful."

Stunned into stillness, she couldn't even blink as she watched him move closer to her, and just before his lips landed on hers she felt herself being pulled backward, out of the way. "What the…Elliot?"

"What the hell are you doing?" Elliot fumed, getting between Olivia and Nick as he stared at Amaro.

Nick ran his tongue along his teeth. "You have awful timing, Stabler."

"Oh, it looks to me like my timing is perfect," Elliot said. "You know she's seeing…"

"You," Nick said, nodding. "I was hoping to change that tonight."

Elliot snarled and lowered his voice. "If she didn't sleep with me the entire time I was her partner, because I was married, what the hell makes you think she would sleep with you?"

Nick grinned. "I was making the move you never had the balls to make," he said.

Elliot pushed him back a bit. "I made it, I waited until I could," he said, venom in his voice.

"You mean you waited until you realized you were losing her," Nick snapped. "Would you mind moving? I was talking to her."

"Yeah, you're done now," Elliot said. His eyes widened and he moved in time to avoid Nick's fist colliding with his nose, but he got knocked in the chin. He let out another evil growl and turned, swinging his own fist and clocking Nick in the cheek. "Asshole!"

"Hey!" Olivia yelled, pulling on Elliot and moving him behind her. "Mature! Really!" She looked at Nick and said, "I already told you, Amaro, you're not my type. Even if you weren't married, I'd…"

"You'd choose him," Nick said, his eyes closed as he nodded and dabbed at his split lip. "Yeah."

Olivia shook her head and sighed. "I'm sorry," she said, then tugged on Elliot's sleeve and walked toward the bar door.

Once outside, Elliot yanked her against him and slammed his mouth into hers. Her surprised moan made him harden instantly and he turned her around, pressing her up against the brick face of the building.

"El," she breathed, his tongue invading her mouth again as soon as the name rolled out.

He kissed her deeply, his hands running down her body, one slipping between her legs and rubbing against her aching core. The other gripped her hip and he nipped at her lips. "Liv," he panted between kisses.

She pressed both of her palms against his chest and forced space between them. "Elliot," she said, a warning.

He looked at her. "What?" he asked, his eyes wide. "What's wrong?"

"You," she said with a smirk. "You don't have to claim me, ya know. I wasn't going to kiss him."

His chest heaving, he licked his lips and kept his eyes on her. "You didn't drink," he said. "I know that. You…"

"Can we just go home?" she asked, closing her eyes. "This day has been…long."

Elliot stepped away from her, taking both of her hands in his. "Amaro doesn't know you had a problem, does he?"

"He wouldn't have taken me here if he did," she assured him. "He's really not an asshole, El. He's just…"

"I don't like him," he told her, kissing her cheek. He turned toward the bar, giving it a harsh glare. "At all."

Olivia walked with him to his car, sighing. She squeezed his hand and gave him the same advice people had been giving her all day. "Just breathe, El."

**A/N: A case Elliot gets forces him to cooperate with Nick Amaro. How? And Olivia has a conversation with Maureen that sparks a realization. **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: "The eyes of child are often the only windows into the souls of his parents." H.L Mencken**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

Olivia stood between her old partner and her new one, chewing on her lip. The captain of the Queens Homicide division was rattling off a list of names that she wasn't paying attention to, and her hands were shaking more than they had in days.

"So you see," the captain said, looking at all three people in his office. "Your rapist is our killer, and I'm not just gonna hand the glory over to you. I'm sure we can catch the prick together."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure we were on our way to doing that all by ourselves when you called and made our captain send us here," Amaro snipped. "But of course, Benson over here is gonna agree with you and tell you..."

"Watch it, pal!" Elliot yelled.

Olivia said nothing, she simply closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then she spoke. "Ya know what? As much as I would love to work with Elliot on this right now, I have a vic in recovery at Saint Paul's." She looked from Nick to Elliot. "You two play nice," she mumbled, walking out of the office.

The captain's eyes narrowed. "Do I wanna know what just happened?"

Elliot and Nick looked at each other before both turning to the captain and saying, "Nope."

"I want you two in that room with a suspect by tonight," the man said, pointing at them. "He's been out there for too damn long and I'm not a patient man. Share what you know, look over each other's files, get the bastard. Or I swear to God, both your badges will be hanging on my wall instead of your hips."

Elliot's eyes widened. "You got it, Cap," he said, hurrying Amaro out of the office before he could open his mouth.

"Well," Amaro mumbled to Elliot under his breath. "He's nothing like Cragen."

Elliot scoffed as they moved through the bullpen to the empty desks in the back. "You have no idea."

* * *

><p>"So," Maureen began, her eyes on the television as she spoke to Olivia. "Why are you here, but Dad's not? Don't you still have the same hours?"<p>

Olivia sighed, pulling the last picture frame off of the wall. "Yeah, usually," she said. "I just had a different case load than your father today."

"Do you miss him? Working with him, I mean," the teen asked, shooting her eyes from the movie to Olivia.

"I did," she said, nodding. "But I think...I mean, he's in my life now...again...so I think that took a lot of that empty feeling away." She shrugged. "I miss the way we worked, though. Together. The rhythm, the ease, the..."

Maureen interrupted her, sitting up. "You were together for a long time. You had a method, you just...worked. It's obvious my dad isn't thrilled with his new partner either, he complains a lot now, so I just..."

"He never complained about me?" Olivia asked, sitting beside the girl on the sofa. "I find that incredibly hard to believe," she chuckled.

"He didn't," the teen said with a smile. "Not really. You frustrated him. He always moaned about how stubborn you were, and was annoyed that you were always right. He was so baffled by the fact that you were single, and the only time he really got mad at you was when you..."

"Left," Olivia cut her off. "I know. He let me have it when I got back," she chuckled.

Maureen licked her lips and turned down her eyes. "We were all mad. Even Mom, believe it or not. With you gone, Dad was a monster. He couldn't eat or sleep, he drank more when he came home, he just didn't have the same drive. When you got back from that case, it was like I had my father back," she explained. "That's when I knew."

Olivia squinted. "Knew what?"

Maureen smiled. "That he was in love with you."

"He wasn't..." Olivia began. Then she sighed again. "You think so?"

"Liv," the girl said, moving closer to her, "I love my mother, but I know my father and the way he looks at you...he hasn't looked at her like that since I was Eli's age. I'm...I'm not even sure how they had Eli, because I could have sworn it was over and he would be with you, even then."

Olivia laughed. "You're not the only one who was thinking that," she joked. "Are you okay with this? Me and your father, the divorce..."

"I already told you," Maureen said, butting in. "I get it. I really do. I expected it. The only people in this family who aren't dealing so well are Kathleen, because she is my mother's shadow, and Dickie. He thinks you've been sleeping with my father for years, and he hates it because he has this Mrs. Robinson fantasy about you that..."

"Stop right there," Olivia said, holding up a hand and closing her eyes. "Yeah, your brother and I have butted heads about this once or twice already." She looked at Maureen. "About him thinking your dad I were having an affair, I mean. I know nothing of that fantasy, and I certainly don't want to."

It was silent for a moment, the women just breathing in the air between them. "He's not gonna break your heart, Liv," Maureen finally whispered. "So please, don't break his. Stay."

Olivia was stunned, she backed up a bit as she straightened, her back flush against the couch. She looked around at the bare walls, the empty rooms, and then back at the worried young lady beside her. "You've grown up to be a brilliant young woman, Mo," she said.

Maureen smiled. "Thanks," she said. "I'm gonna go finishing packing up my room." She stood and looked around, her childhood home looking more like a vast void. "All of us are dividing our stuff into two sets. Stuff to keep with Mom and things that'll stay at Dad's, so..." she shrugged. "It'll take me..."

"You need help?" Olivia asked, interrupting the twenty-one year old.

Maureen smiled and nodded. "That'd be great." She watched Olivia stand and as they headed up the stairs, she said, "A lot of my stuff is at school, so it shouldn't take long."

"Not a problem," Olivia told her, letting her step in front of her. "She held her shaking hands and closed her eyes, her smile fading once Maureen couldn't see her face. "I've got all night."

* * *

><p>"You deserve a fucking medal," Elliot said, slamming the door behind him and taking off his jacket.<p>

"You gave me one," Olivia said snidely, sitting on the couch. "But why?"

Elliot hung up the black coat and toed off his shoes, then walked over and plopped next to her on the couch. "You have to work with that fucker all day, every day. It's only been twelve hours for me and I want to strangle him."

She laughed and eyed him suspiciously.

"Not just because he tried to kiss you the other night, either," he told her, pointing at her. "Because he is a know-it-all, self-righteous, hot-headed..." he paused. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

She licked her smirking lips, then said, "You just described yourself quite accurately."

He nudged her shoulder and rolled his eyes. "Seriously," he said, "He just talks nonstop and he...he's not the best cop I've ever worked with."

"Did you find the guy?" she asked, tilting her head.

He shook his. "No," he said. "I have to work with his punk-ass tomorrow now, too, and my captain's threatened to not only rip my badge off but certain other things, too, if we can't find him tomorrow. Please, baby, stay with me tomorrow? Don't leave me alone with him."

She huffed a bit. "You left me alone with him for six months," she said. She saw the flicker of pain in his eyes. "You know I...I didn't mean...I was kidding. I'll stay with you tomorrow," she told him. "It's my case, anyway."

He sighed, relieved, and nodded. Then he moved in toward her, kissing her tenderly on the lips. "Should have done that when I first walked through that door."

"I know," she said, smiling at him. "I, uh, I also know why this has all been so easy for you, and why you're so hell-bent on keeping me away from anything alcoholic."

"Because I love you?" he questioned, his brow furrowed.

She sighed. "I talked to Maureen," she said. "We had a long talk, about a lot of things, when I helped her finish packing. She told me...you really went to see her at school when I got back from that case upstate?"

He nodded. "I thought I had to," he shrugged. "I was really leaving, Liv, I swear to you, I was, but...I came back here to tell the other kids, and I saw Kathy sitting right where you are, holding Eli, and...I couldn't abandon him like that. Not...not then." He shook his head. "Not until I knew where you stood, until I knew I'd be doing it for a reason. I called her and told her to forget that entire conversation, and then...I just..."

"Life happened," she said with an understanding tone.

"Yeah," he sighed. "But life is still happening, and we're here now, together, aren't we?"

She dropped her head to his shoulder and linked her fingers with his. "Have you found a house yet? You only have a week and..."

"Nothing in my price range," he interrupted. He yawned, then, dropping his head back and to the left, kissing the top of her head as he closed his eyes. "I don't think I'm going to, Liv."

"Well start looking for something we could afford together, El," she told him, her eyes wide opened, staring blankly at the door. "That should open some doors."

His head popped up. "Really?"

"Really," she said softly, as if she was still trying to convince herself to say it. "Maureen made me think tonight, and if you're...this needs to work, Elliot, because I can't take another heartbreak," she said, looking up at him.

"Oh, honey," he whispered, kissing her, "No one'll ever break you or your heart again." He kissed her again, then something over her shoulder caught his eye. "You...you didn't...have you been drinking?"

"What? No!" she yelled, sitting up, offended. "I made that decision totally sober, thank you very..."

"Whisky bottle," he said, interrupting and pointing. "On the kitchen table."

"What?" she gasped, turning. "It's not...it wasn't me, El, you know I...I've been shaking like a fucking vibrator for three weeks, I wouldn't..."

He eyed her and snapped, "Well, then who the hell was it, Liv? Maureen doesn't drink, Kathleen went through hell for it, and none of my other kids are..."

"Stop yelling at her," Kathleen barked from the kitchen. She walked into the living room, lifting the bottle to her lips. "You'll drive her away just like you did Mom."

Elliot's eyes widened and filled with tears. "Kat?"

"What, you wanna sip?" she asked, then laughed. "You always said if we were ever gonna drink, we should do it in the house." She plopped down on the sofa between them and looked at Olivia. "Nothing like a good, stiff drink with the family, huh Liv?" she quipped, waving the bottle under Olivia's nose.

"Kathleen!" Elliot shouted, ripping the bottle away from his daughter and offering an apologetic look to Olivia, who had gone pale.

Olivia, in turn, stood up and pressed her lips together. "I'm fine," she said, cracking her knuckles. "It's her I'm worried about." She nodded at Kathleen.

Kathleen grinned at her father and said, "What are you gonna do about it, Dad? You gonna yell at me? Make Liv run to Gran again?"

Dickie, who had come downstairs, walked over to his sister and looked at her. "Again? Jesus, Katie! Stop trying to..."

"What?" Olivia asked, looking at the boy.

"She's pissed," he said, yanking on his sister's arm. "And slightly crazy. So she just thinks...she thinks this whole thing between you two is gonna ruin what you had, she thinks you're gonna hate each other, and she trusts Olivia more than you and Mom after that whole thing with Grandma so she's...whatever. I tried to tell her it's nothing new and you're fine, but she..."

"I have never slept with Olivia," Elliot said, glaring at his son. "Not even now, and especially not when your mother and I..."

"Whatever," Dickie spat again. He pulled is sister up the stairs. "I'm throwing her into the shower and letting the cold water run. Come yell at her in five minutes when she'll be sober enough to understand you."

Olivia and Elliot watched as Dickie dragged Kathleen up the stairs. Olivia fell back into the couch. "Oh, my God," she mumbled. "I...that's what I...I used to..."

"Liv, stop it," Elliot said, taking her hand again. "Used to, as in not anymore. But...I...you need to talk to her. Please?"

Olivia bit her lip and nodded, then looked at him. "You need to talk to Dickie."

Elliot took a deep breath and got to his feet, pulling Olivia up with him. They climbed the stairs slowly, taking them as they knew they had to take everything in their new life together. One step at a time.

**A/N: Next chapter: one of the kids comes around, but which one? And a surprising chat with Olivia and Kathy reveals something Olivia can't remember.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Facing your own demons will help you face the ones that lie within your lover.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

"It's the shaking," she whispered, wringing her hands together. "The nausea fades, the panic attacks and paranoia…they're annoying but manageable." She bit her lip and closed her eyes. "The insomnia is nothing new to me, and the headaches…aspirin takes care of them. But the shaking…"

"I know," the man sitting across from her said. "How often do you…"

She scoffed and interrupted him. "Every single day. I can't hold onto things, I can't walk in a straight line at times, I'm afraid it's gonna get so bad that…if I'm aiming my gun and I can't…" she stopped. She cleared her throat. "It's killing me not to just give in and pick up a bottle to make it stop."

"Why don't you?" the man asked, clicking his pen and jotting something down.

She eyed him for a moment, then knew it was a question he had to ask, and one she had to answer. "A lot of reasons."

"Name them," he commanded.

She rolled her eyes and cleared her throat. "Elliot," she said. "He…losing him was the reason I drank to begin with, but now that…I mean, he's here, a much bigger part of my life than ever, so…" she waved a hand, moving on. "Kathleen got drunk last night. She did it to prove some kind of point, but she was so…I knew that's only a tenth of the mess I was when I drank."

"How do you know that?" the man asked, tilting his head.

She licked her lips. "I met Kathy for coffee this morning," she said. "It was casual, cordial. Weird. She told me…she told me she ran into an ex-boyfriend of mine, someone she knows, too. They started talking…um, about the divorce, Elliot, and me. Just catching up, ya know? He told her to tell me I left my watch at his place last month and to call him whenever I wanted to pick it up."

"So why is that strange?" The man clicked his pen again.

"The last time I remember seeing him was last year, when I left him." She rubbed her eyes. "Damn it, it was Trevor and…George, I don't remember being with him at all since we broke up. I don't remember…"

George sat up straighter. "Olivia," he interjected. "You drank a lot, you know that. You blacked out. You've told me stories of waking up…"

"Right," she cut in. "But I don't remember waking up at Trevor's, I don't remember hating myself for letting it happen. I remember every other fucking mistake, why not this one?"

George smirked. "Because maybe it didn't happen," he said. "Maybe Trevor knows your situation, and he knows you're trying to build something with Elliot, and he knows Kathy…"

She narrowed her eyes and held up a hand. "You think Trevor lied to Kathy, knowing she would tell me, and it would make me…"

"Crazy," George nodded. "But maybe it did happen, but you were so far gone that you didn't come back into the light until you got back to your place. Either is possible. It's your subconscious, Olivia, what do you think it's protecting you from?"

Olivia took a breath. "I wouldn't sleep with him," she decided. "Even if I was drunk he…not after everything he put me through."

"Okay," George said. "So trust that. But this was a good thing, Olivia. It was a wake-up call. One you needed. It got you here, I've been begging you to come see me for…"

"I'm not here because of Trevor!" she snapped. "I'm here because I can't fucking stop shaking and it's going to cost me my job if I can't get a handle on it! I'm here because I don't want this to be what kills me the way it killed my mother! I'm here because I am terrified of my life now that I'm actually living it!"

George moved back in his chair. "Olivia, calm down, okay? I didn't mean…I'm sorry." He pushed a glass of water toward her. "How's Kathleen?"

Olivia drank the water and shook her head. "She called her sponsor, then I…I talked to her. About everything, and of course she knew all of it already. She was much worse than I ever was when she…"

"I remember," George said. "How is she now?"

"She's okay," she said. "She apologized, she told us that she would try to understand what's happening and trust that we won't hate each other. Me and Elliot, I mean. That's what she's afraid of."

"And you're not?" George wrote something in his notebook and looked at her.

She shook her head and shrugged. "I'm more afraid of falling apart myself than losing him again. I know that Elliot isn't going anywhere now." She ran both hands over her face. "So what do I do about these tremors? Shouldn't they have stopped by now?"

George handed her a prescription slip. "You drank very heavily, every night for six months straight. Three weeks off the sauce isn't gonna make you feel all new and shiny again. You're still only beginning to dextox..."

"Great," she snapped, taking the paper from him. She looked down. "Get more sleep? You're perscribing me a daily nap?"

George shrugged.

"Thanks," she spat, crumpling the scrip and tossing it at him. "I know they'll go away once my system evens out but…"

"Take a beta blocker in the morning," George said. "I'll call Melinda, she'll give them to you. Liv, none of this is going on your record, your job isn't on the line here. You know that, don't you?"

She sighed and said, "It isn't now, but it could be, because if I can't stop shaking long enough to do my job…" she couldn't bring herself to say it. "Thanks, George."

"My door is always open," he returned, picking up the phone to call Doctor Warner, as Olivia walked out of his office. He sighed, noticing her fingers trembling slightly as she left.

* * *

><p>Nick Amaro stood in front of a pane of glass, next to both Cragen and Manning, the captain from Queens Homicide. "Jesus," he huffed.<p>

"Brilliant, aren't they?" Cragen said, filled with pride and deep nostalgia. "How long did it take them to…"

"She walked in at ten," Manning said. "They flipped through some files, looked at a picture, she said 'Let's go," he explained. "An hour later they had him in cuffs."

Nick scoffed. "Yeah, well, he ain't talking," he said. "Stabler's doing a lot of yelling, and Olivia is just staring at him with that…smirk on her face. I don't see how…"

"Wait for it," Cragen said, grinning.

Nick rolled his eyes, but then they widened. He watched Elliot get in their perp's face, watched Olivia slink slowly around the table and he could tell by the way she moved she was using a low, sultry tone when she spoke. He watched the man in the chair look from Elliot to Olivia, from an angry face to a seductive one, and he watched Elliot speak again.

"Three," Cragen whispered. "Two…"

The man being interrogated dropped his head into his hands, crying as he told them everything. Listed names of victim's, told them where he hid bodies, and asked for a lighter sentence since he cooperated.

"What the fuck was that?" Nick asked, stunned.

"That was real detective work," Cragen said, chuckling. "Good cop, bad cop."

"More like scary cop, hot cop," Nick said, still baffled.

"Hey, Don," Manning grinned. "How much do you want for her?"

Cragen shook his head. "You can't afford her," he told his fellow captain. "Besides, she's meant to work with the living."

Their heads turned as the door opened and Olivia and Elliot walked into the pit. "Was that enough for you?" Olivia asked, her hands in her pockets.

Manning nodded and held out his hand for a shake. "More than enough, thank you," he said.

Elliot noticed Olivia not moving, and quickly gripped his captain's hand. "She's um…she's got a cold."

"No, she doesn't," Nick scoffed.

Olivia shot him a look and cleared her throat, then coughed. "Just being careful," she said. "I'm glad I could help. And it doesn't hurt that I got to work with Stabler over here," she smiled. "Anytime you need help, feel free to…"

"Ask both of us," Nick piped up again. "It was a pleasure, Sir." He shook Manning's hand eagerly.

"Right," Manning said. "Thanks for loaning me your best, Don. I'll call you." He turned. "Stabler, you have a report to write up. You don't suppose Benson wants to help you, huh?"

Elliot laughed. "You don't know her and paperwork," he joked. "She'd rather give herself a root canal with a can opener." He gave her a soft look, smiled at her, and strutted into the squad room.

Cragen hit Nick on the shoulder and looked toward Olivia. "You two, back home, yeah? I'll meet you there."

Olivia ran a hand through her hair and walked with Nick through the doors. She met Elliot's eyes as they walked through the bullpen, and she smiled at him.

"You, uh, you work well together," Nick told her as they stepped into the hallway. "You and Elliot."

"We do," she said, nodding. She pressed the call button for the elevator and said, "We always have."

Nick sighed. "Always will," he said. "That's what that thing on your neck means, right? Always faithful?"

She leaned against the wall of the lift as the doors slid closed. Her fingers toyed with the round pendant and she said, "Yeah."

"I'm sorry," Nick said, his eyes closing. "I shouldn't have tried to…with my wife being so far away and you…you being so close I…it was wrong. I'm sorry."

She nodded once. "Fine," she said. "No more bars, okay? I'm not…I don't drink."

He scoffed. "Bullshit," he said. "I've watched you pound 'em back."

"Not anymore," she clarified. "I don't." She blinked and said, "You were really quiet tonight. That's not like you. Something wrong?"

"I didn't have anyone to talk to," he told her. The doors opened and they walked out of the elevator. "You got here after that thing you had to do you wouldn't explain, and you went right to him. Then it was the two of you all the way. I felt like the dorky friend, the third wheel watching you on a great date."

Olivia shook her head. "Nick, I didn't realize…"

"Ya know what?" he said, turning to her. "I'm glad I saw it. I know what I have to follow, what I have to compete with. We're never gonna be like that, Olive! Olivia." He cleared his throat. "You have your own, like, made up language. You communicate with looks and little hand-signals, you laugh at the stupidest shit with him and that will never, ever, be us."

Olivia gave him a shrug as her mouth opened and closed, unsure of what to say. There was a moment of silence, then only the sound of their footsteps. "I don't want that to be us," she finally said.

"What?" he asked, looking at her.

"Elliot is…special," she said, getting into the car. "Very special to me. He…what we have…I don't want that with anyone but him. Do you get that?"

Nick sighed. "I got it," he mumbled. "I'll put in the papers tomorrow if…"

"Hey, whoa," she stopped him. "You need to listen to a girl before you jump…anyway, I meant…maybe we can…work on something of our own." She held up a hand. "Professionally, so stay where you are."

He laughed. "I'm not gonna try to kiss you again," he told her. "My face and ego are still recovering from the last time."

She chuckled a bit and said, "Just drive, pal." She sighed as the car peeled out of the lot, her eyes on the brick building fading in the mirror.

* * *

><p>She was the first one home, she parked in the driveway and headed for the front door. She reached for the knob, her keys in her hand, but she was pulled away and pressed against the side of the house. Lips were on hers, a set of hands was running over her body, pawing at her. She tried to breathe, inhaling his cologne.<p>

He pulled away from her, panting. "I have been dying to do that all fucking day," he griped.

She cupped his face and kissed him again. "Yeah?"

He nodded. "Working with you was like…it felt like…"

"Home," she finished. She turned and looked at the front door. "Speaking of home…have you…"

"Yeah," he said, unlocking the door and holding it for her. "I found a great place. Townhouse in Manhattan, with both of us paying for it…"

"You work in Queens," she interrupted, taking off her jacket.

He raised an eyebrow. "You work in Manhattan. Liv, I made the commute every day for twelve years, now I'm just gonna do it backwards."

She fell into him, her arms winding around him. She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. "El, I know you're being so good about this, so patient and I…"

"Dad?" Dickie spoke, standing at the foot of the stairs. He watched as both faces turned toward him. "Sorry to, uh, interrupt, but…can I talk to you? It's kind of...important."

Elliot nodded and kissed Olivia, before leading his son up to his room. "Come on, kid."

Olivia watched them go, sitting on the couch with a deep sigh. A night alone with Elliot was going to have to wait, she assumed, looking down at her hands. It was then she realized they hadn't been shaking since she left Huang's office.

She looked up at the stairs. Then up at the ceiling. And then she whispered, "Elliot."

**A/N: What does Dickie want? And a move that makes Olivia weak in the knees. For a good reason.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: The decision to put the pieces of a broken life back together is solely that of the life that has been broken.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

Olivia was still on the couch, a cup of coffee nestled in her steady hands, when Elliot walked back down the stairs. "Is he okay?" she asked, swallowing, the burn of the hot drink stinging her tongue.

Elliot sighed. He shook his head. "He made it sound a lot more serious than it was." He sat on the couch beside Olivia and said, "He wanted to ask me if I would be mad if he went away to school." He took a breath and said, "He wants to go to Stanford."

Olivia's brow furrowed. "You got a couple years for that, don't you?"

"Yeah," he said. "Thank God." He wrapped an arm around her and grinned. "Before he interrupted us," he teased, "You were saying?"

She smiled at him, then shook her head. "Forget it. It wasn't important." She sipped her coffee again and cleared her throat. "Do you need me to sign a check over to you for the…"

"What were you gonna say?" he interrupted. "Something about me being patient?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you just want to hear me compliment you," she said with a smirk.

He grinned and nodded, then leaned in to kiss her. He gave her a soft pack on the lips, then nuzzled her nose a bit. "You okay?" he asked, looking into her eyes.

"Fine," she said. "Better than I have been in a long time, El. I feel…good." She looked at him. "You know, I realized my hands haven't been shaking at all today. Not since this morning." She brushed a hand along his cheek. "I think it's because I was with you."

He whispered, "Good. I guess that gives you a reason to be with me forever, then." His lips dragged along hers lightly, he breathed hotly against her skin, and then he pressed into her harder. He grunted and moved his hands along her cloth covered thighs, and he moaned when she cupped his face.

Her hands smoothed down his chin and his neck, and just when her fingertips reached his collar buttons, their cell phones rang simultaneously. She groaned as she tore her lips away from his.

"Never thought that would happen again," he panted, reaching into his pocket for his phone. His eyes never left hers as he flipped it open and answered it.

Olivia pressed her lips together as she tapped the call button on her cell, making a mental note to find out when Elliot's upgrade was because his phone was older than she was. "Benson," she chuckled into the phone.

"Yeah, we…we'll be right there," Elliot said, snapping his phone shut.

Olivia's face fell and she sighed. "On the way," she said, then ended the call and looked at Elliot. "One last ride together, partner?"

He smiled at her, kissed her quickly, and ran upstairs to tell his kids that he had to leave again, and to watch Eli.

Olivia finished her coffee, dropped the cup into the sink, and met Elliot by the door. She let him take her hand and lead her to his car. Once settled into the seat, she spoke. "I can't believe this," she spat.

"Not the first time this happened, baby," Elliot said, pulling out of his driveway.

"The son of a bitch got what he wanted anyway," she hissed. "We did this all for nothing, El."

"Nothing?" he questioned. "Liv, that confession led us to…" he cleared his throat. "We gave a lot of families closure, and they can bury their daughters and find peace." He looked at her, then back to the road. "So the prick was beaten to death by his cell mate, he still got what the state was gonna give him anyway. He got what he deserved, and he got it sooner than…"

"That's not the point," she interrupted. "He should have gone had to face those mothers and fathers, Elliot. He should have had to look into their eyes…"

"Do you think that would have been easy for them?" Elliot asked, tilting his head.

She blinked and a tear rolled down her cheek. Her voice drops. "You don't know what I would give to look into the eyes of the man who raped my mother," she says in a cold whisper.

He took her hand and rested it on the gear shift, holding it. "I know," he whispered back. The rest of the ride is silent, the sounds of the city filtering in from the open windows does nothing to drown out the tension.

When he finally parked in the visitor's space in front of the prison, he looked at her as he turned the key. "I know you wanted him to fight," he said. "And I know why." He sighed. "I didn't want this to end, either. I would have really enjoyed seeing you in action in that courtroom." He chuckled and looked at her with nothing but love and admiration in his eyes. "It's been a real pleasure working with you, Detective Benson."

She gave him a sad smile. "Right back at ya, Detective Stabler," she said. She got out of the car and slammed the door behind her, heading into the jail to find out what happened to her perp, making him her victim.

* * *

><p>An hour and a half later, they walked back out, the way they came, and headed back toward their car. Olivia checked her watch as she sat in the passenger seat. "Shit," she hissed.<p>

"What?" Elliot asked, starting the car. He peeled out of the lot fast, his tires squealing as he sped off, eager to get home.

She shook her head and ran a hand down her face. "It's almost two in the morning," she said. "Kids are asleep. I'm starving, I smell, and I have to be at work in less than five hours. I'm pissed."

He laughed and said, "Oh, come on, Liv. You used to do this shit all the time. On a case until midnight, another call a half an hour later. You getting old on me?"

"No," she said. "Just tired." She looked out the window and licked her lips. "You wanna slow down before you kill us?"

"You forget how I drive?" he questioned. "I'm not gonna kill us." He swerved to change lanes and hit the gas. "I'm tired, too, baby."

She smiled at him, her fingers clutching the golden medal around her neck. She slid it up the chain, back, and up again. Her mind drifted to the meaning behind it, and she tilted her head. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did," he teased, winking at her. "Go ahead."

"Why did you give this to me?" she asked.

He blinked. "I thought that was obvious," he said. He blinked. "Why are you asking?"

She bit her lip. "Nick just kind of pointed out…ya know, what it meant…and I guess…" She paused. "I just wanted to know why you gave something that means so much to you to me and then take off for six months?"

He sighed. "I didn't plan on being away from you for that long," he admitted. "I told you that."

"Okay," she moaned with a roll of her eyes. "But why did you just leave it in my locker for me to find, instead of giving it to me in person? Maybe I wouldn't have…"

"I didn't want to see the look in your eyes when you saw it," he told her, interrupting. "It would have hurt way too much to leave after that, and you know why I had to leave."

"Yeah," she whispered. "Is it just a partner thing? Like you'll always have my back, you'll always…"

"Always faithful, Liv," he said with a stern look in his eyes. "I mean it in ever way you can possibly take it." He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed each knuckle. "To you, I will always be faithful. As a friend, as a lover, whatever you need me to be."

She blinked and swallowed, and she squeezed his hand. "I know it means a lot to you," she said. "You gave it to me thinking…"

"I don't want it back," he laughed. "That defeats the purpose." He smirked and glanced at her as he turned the wheel, driving down an avenue. "You know what most Marines do with that, don't you?"

"Hang it on their walls? Frame it?" she shrugged.

His smile turned warm. "Young Marines, coming home, usually can't afford rings. Most Marines propose with that medal, because everything it stands for is what a guy usually feels for the person he's in love with." He clears his throat. "Loyalty, honor, pride. You're wearing true love around your neck, there, Liv. If you ever take it off, I think I'd cry."

She took in his words, she dropped the pendant and felt it hit her skin, and she said, "Wow. El, I…"

"I'm not proposing," he interjected. "That's not…I mean, I don't think we're there, yet." He laughed and pulled into his driveway, and he sighed when he turned the ignition off. He winked at her and put his hand on the door handle, but she stopped him.

"Wait," she said, gripping his arm.

His brows knitted together. "Honey?"

"I just…I know that…" she closed her eyes. "I know you're taking this slower than you want. I know you don't want me to break again, but…"

He silenced her with a kiss. "I'm not going anywhere," he told her softly. "We can take our time."

She bit her lip and the hand clutching his arm smoothed over his chest. "El, I…" She stopped speaking and kissed him, then snapped the button on her seatbelt and crawled over him.

He moaned against her lips as he felt her grinding against him. He felt himself harden and rub against her and he groaned. His hands flew to her waist and he tried to speak between hard breaths and kisses. "What…are…Liv…"

She kissed her way down his neck, dropped soft pecks to his suit-clad chest, and slid down his lap, carefully avoiding the pedals at his feet. She looked up into his eyes as she worked his belt open and unzipped his slacks.

He bucked in his seat, in shock at was happening. "Liv, you don't…oh, my God," he gasped, his eyes closing. His hands wound through her hair and he choked with every shaky breath he took. He reached one hand down to her and caressed her breast, gliding over her nipple.

She moved out of reach, keeping her hands on his thick shaft as she lifted her mouth off of him. "Don't," she breathed. "This isn't about me." She held his gaze and lowered her mouth around him again.

He seethed, and he looked into her eyes. He saw want, need, love, and something he recognized as certainty. He bit his lip and stifled a grunt, and he knew that she was doing it because she wanted to, which only made him harder. "Christ, Liv," he breathed.

She took him as far into her mouth and down her throat as she could, then slid off of him. Her hand stroked him as she moved back up his body, moaning in delight when he tugged just a bit on her hair to bring her lips closer to his.

He kissed her, hard and demanding, as her hand worked him to a throbbing fervor. "God, Liv, you…" he muffled the rest of his words in their kiss and shoved his right hand into her black pants. He ignored her protesting moans, nudged the cotton of her underwear aside, and slipped two fingers into her, matching the rhythm and speed of her strokes. "It's not just about me, either," he exhaled against her lips.

She cried out his name as she kissed him again, and her hips bucked against his hand. She tightened her grip and pulled on him harder, faster, eager to bring him what he'd so patiently waited for.

He twisted his fingers, lowering his thumb over her clit, and when she gasped he chuckled. "Yeah, baby," he said, biting down on her lower lip. "That's it, honey." He let out a soft curse and moved his thumb faster, flicking as best he could with the constraining pants limiting his mobility.

"Oh, God, Elliot," she breathed, her body tightening. She moved her hand up and down, stroking him even faster, and she felt every cell in her body ignite with a fiery burn. She had forgotten what it felt like to truly want and deeply need a lover the way she needed him, and each sensation she was feeling was intense and blissful for the first time in her life.

"Liv, baby, don't stop," he moaned, his lips pressed against the thin skin of her neck. "Fuck, don't stop. So close…so damned close."

She moaned, she panted, she whined. She spoke his name in a pulse-like pattern and her head dropped back, giving him the freedom to lick and kiss the rest of her neck. She felt him twitch in her hand, throb and grow, and she heard him begin to pant. "El?"

"Hmm," he mumbled, his lips pressed tightly together. He kept his fingers moving in and out of her, kept his thumb circling her swollen clit, and when he felt her clench around his fingers, he used his free hand to bring her head back up and kissed her hard, stifling his grunts.

Fire burned through her body, electric currents ripped through her system. Her left hand dug into his arm, her nails cut him deep, and she clawed at him, making him bleed as she whimpered and cried and came against his hand.

He came, too, in her hand, on her sleeve, on his pants, on the car seat, but he didn't care. He only cared about her and that she was sharing the experience with him. His kiss slowed, softened. His breathing evened out, his hand slipped away from her and out of her pants, and he rested his forehead against hers.

They were silent, taking in what had happened, wondering how and why and when it would happen again. And then she laughed.

He chuckled with her, finding the humor as she did, and he kissed her softly. "Maybe we should, um, get out of the car."

"Maybe," she returned, climbing off of him, into her own seat. She blinked once, gave him an impish grin, and got out of the car.

He took a deep breath and zipped up his pants before doing the same and he met her on the front steps. Before he opened the door, he kissed her once, and he whispered, "I love you."

She traced the medallion around her neck with one finger as he unlocked the front door. "I know you do," she said, smiling.

Her smile would fade, though, when she walked into the house.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Beginnings, when they do begin, often come from the very end of endings.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

Elliot stood with his arms folded in the middle of the now bare living room. He closed his eyes and looked down at his watch. "Shit," he spat. "Kathy."

Olivia bit her lip. "Court order, remember? It all had to be out and sold by tomorrow. She was just trying to keep you from getting into serious..."

"I know," he said. "I know her lawyer was coming by with the truck, but..." he pointed to the bare wall. "The TV was mine. Not ours. She had no right to..."

"Are you really that upset over a television?" Olivia asked, raising an eyebrow. "Or are you pissed that your ex-wife came into your house, which we need to be out of by the end of the week, anyway, without you being here?"

"Both," he snapped, running a hand down his face. "She could have called. Warned me. Not to mention, that this is Queens, and it probably looked suspicious. Ya know? Her loading up a van with all of the furniture after midnight."

Olivia chuckled. "That sounds like Kathy," she said. "You told the kids we needed to leave, one of them probably called her and maybe she just didn't want to see you. This can't be easy for..."

"The kids," he interrupted, running up the stairs. He was worried that they might be sleeping on the floor.

Olivia sighed when he left the room, then looked around. The bare walls, the naked floor, it all reminded her of how she felt not too long ago. Empty. Vacant. Blank. She ran a hand through her hair and bit her lip, and she toyed with the pendant around her neck again. "Semper Fi, El," she whispered, closing her eyes.

"What?" his voice called to her.

She turned, jolting out of her introspection. "Nothing," she said.

He narrowed his eyes, not believing her. "Kids still have all their furniture. Guess she couldn't kick her children out of their warm beds." He walked toward her and nudged her toward the bedroom they'd been sharing.

She opened the door and turned on the light. It took a moment, but she smirked, and then she laughed. "At least she left us the blankets and pillows."

Elliot rolled his eyes, trying not to smile, and pulled off his tie as he walked toward the sheets on the flat floor. "Well, it's better this way, right? I didn't really feel right sleeping in that bed with you, anyway."

She smiled at him as she pawed through a plastic bin of clothes, looking for pajamas. "I guess," she sighed.

"Man, my back is gonna be killing me in the morning," he griped, shuffling out of his pants and dropping to the carpet. He got under the quilt and patted the empty space beside him. "Hey, baby. Come to floor."

She laughed, a real, hearty laugh, and once she was changed, she slipped under the covers with him. She wriggled around for a moment. "This isn't so bad," she said. "More comfortable than the cribs at work."

"I'll give ya that," he chuckled. He rolled onto his side, worked one arm under her and the other over her, and nestled against her. "Goodnight," he whispered, brushing his lips over her shoulder, over her tattoo.

She yawned and snuggled closer to him. "Yeah," she mumbled. "It was a really good night." She twisted her body toward his and slipped her left leg between his.

They fell asleep fast, despite the less than comfortable arrangements, finding all the comfort they needed with each other.

* * *

><p>"You do know that I have to be at work in an hour, right?" Olivia asks with a yawn, checking her watch.<p>

Elliot, standing in front of his black Explorer, in the middle of the car lot, nodded. He sighed and said, "Lionel's a friend of mine. He's doing me a favor by coming down here this early to do this, he'll have us outta here fast." He ran a hand down his face and narrowed his eyes as he stared at the car that brought five babies home from the hospital, dropped one of those babies off at college just recently, logged thousands of miles of family road trips and memories, and just last night gave him back his youth and made him feel alive for the first time in so long.

"El?" Olivia broke in, interrupting his reverie.

Elliot's head snapped toward her. He looked her up and down, and he smiled. Maybe it wasn't the car that made him feel alive after all. He took a breath and turned to his friend, standing beside Olivia. "Thanks for doing this. I know you went out of your way to..."

"Anything for you, Elliot," Lionel said. "You know Marines always stick together."

Olivia smirked, absently touching the gold charm. "Semper Fi," she mumbled.

Elliot shot a sideways look at her and chuckled. "Yeah," he said with a nod. He handed his slightly older, graying friend the keys, and took the check from him in return.

"It isn't much," Lionel said. "But it's an old car with a lot of miles. I gave you Blue-Book value, what it's worth. Best I could offer."

"Oh," Elliot breathed, "It's worth a lot more than this, man, but I understand." He looked at Olivia then. "Gotta give half of this to Kathy."

Olivia gave him a sad smile, then turned him around and nudged him toward the corner of the lot. "Go," she prodded, pushing him closer to a cherry red Ford Escape. "Newer and bigger," she said, "And it has heated seats. You won't have to complain about cold leather." She tapped the price on the window. "I'll co-sign for you if you promise to let me drive it outta here."

He skimmed a hand over the SUV, and he chuckled. "You're unbelievable," he said. He leaned into the car and peeked into the backseat, finding it spacious and welcoming, and he smirked. "Yeah," he said. "You can drive it off the lot." He kissed her quickly, then ran to find Lionel, knowing they only had forty minutes to sign and pay for the car and get to work.

Olivia watched him head for his friend, and she bit her lip. Everything hit her, everything, at once. She had made a complete mess of her life, was a wreck for six months, and now here she was buying a house and a car with a man she had always sworn she could never and would never have. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, balling her hand into a fist around her necklace. She was sorry she had a clear head, now. It made the confusion and fear more powerful, and she felt what little stability she had slipping away.

Elliot saw her, from across the lot, and he sighed. He knew she was still vulnerable, and only one thing would make her certain this was right.

* * *

><p>"What a day, huh?" Nick said, standing out in front of the station with Olivia.<p>

"You can say that again," Olivia replied. She leaned up against the brick facade of the building. "You need to work on your people skills. You could have lost the case for us, yelling at that girl's father the way you did."

"Well," Nick began, "Most people piss me off in less than ten seconds. People who lie about hurting their own kids get under my skin even faster." He shrugged. "At least I haven't broken anyone's arm, got anyone shot, or thrown anyone through the glass."

She narrowed her eyes, knowing that was a dig, and to whom it was directed. "Yet," she hissed. "Everybody snaps, Nick. Everyone has a breaking point. Even me. Elliot just...has a shorter fuse than most..."

"He's a Neanderthal, Olive." Nick shook his head and jutted his chin toward a car coming to a halt in front of them. "There he is. Your white knight on his white horse." He snorted at the new red truck. "Or red one."

Olivia shook her head. "Maybe," she whispered. And she knew he was right. Elliot had saved her from destroying herself, or was he too late for that? She blinked and looked at Nick. "You don't have to like him," she said, "But for my sake, could you please be civil?"

"I'll do ya one better," Nick said, turning toward the parking lot. "Have a good night, Benson," he called over his shoulder.

Olivia squinted. It was the first time in months he hadn't called her Olive, or even attempted to. It stung. She felt Elliot behind her and folded her arms with a sigh. "What?"

"What was he doing out here with you?" he asked her, his words venomous as he watched Amaro get into his car.

She turned to him then. "He didn't want me waiting out here for you alone. He was being a good...partner."

He scoffed, then looked at Olivia. "The kids are at Kathy's," he told her, slowly running his hands up and down her arms. "I figure while they're with her we can move what's left into the new place. Maybe go shopping for some stuff...of our own?"

She stiffened. The new place, with him and five kids, and they haven't even decided if they were officially together, yet. She took a deep breath, feeling the beginnings of an anxiety attack coming on. She let the feeling of his hands on her keep the panic at bay, she promised herself this was real, he wasn't going anywhere. "Ya know," she said, calming down, "I signed the mortgage forms, I have a key, but I still haven't seen this place."

He smiled, kissed her gently, and said, "Get in the car." He led her to the passenger side, he opened the door for her, then watched her buckle up. He smiled as he walked over to the driver's side and got in. "I love this thing," he said. "Power steering, power windows, heated seats, and...it's ours."

She smiled, a warmth creeping over her, and she nodded. "It is," she said. "My salary says you're welcome, by the way."

He took her hand and lifted it to his mouth, kissing her fingers. "Thank you," he said. He started the car and drove off, around the block to head in the other direction. "I really...I would have lost everything if I lost you. If you weren't here, right now. You know that, don't you?"

She tilted her head. "Oh, I know," she said. "Me, too. But we didn't, so..."

"I fought," he said, "I fought like hell. I begged, I had to go behind your back and...I just...I can't believe you were gonna..."

"If you knew what I was going through, El," she began. She licked her lips. "If you were where I was, you would have wanted to leave, too. Fast," she told him.

He sighed, dropping it, wanting to forget the way they'd both hurt, the way they both gave up. He wanted to focus on here, now, her, them. He turned the wheel, one handed, and pulled over to the side of the street. He let out a deep sigh, then pointed to a stone-faced townhouse across from them. "There she is," he said, smiling.

"Wow," she breathed. "El, this is really close to..."

"Eight blocks," he said with a nod. "I know you like to walk to work sometimes, so..." he shrugged. "It's close to the park, too, which Eli is gonna love. Which I know you'll love." He smiled at her. "Didn't think I heard you talking to Eli about that, huh?"

She blushed a bit, recalling a conversation she had with the four year old. She'd told him how much fun they would have, she'd take him to the park, play in the sandbox with him, and the child had squealed and clapped in delight, but probably had no idea what she was on about. "Well, I don't have kids, so...I..."

"You will," he told her, sounding too much like a promise. "You wanna go inside?"

"It's late," she said, stifling a yawn. "I just wanna go to bed." She smirked. "Or floor."

He cocked his head to the side, then grinned. "All right," he said, unbuckling his seatbelt. He got out of the car, walked around and opened her door, and held out his hand.

She shook her head. "I just told you I don't want..."

"We're not going in the house," he interrupted. "We're getting more comfortable."

She raised an eyebrow, but slipped her hand into his, and she rolled her eyes when he opened the back door and ushered her in. "How is this more..." she sat and scooted, and she realized. "Oh, this is nice," she laughed.

He slid in next to her and shut the door, then laid back, pulling her over him. "Very nice. Big back seat," he said, waggling his eyebrows. "Much more comfortable than the floor, huh?"

She laughed and snuggled against him. "The floor wasn't so bad," she mumbled.

"No," he whispered. "I could sleep peacefully on a bed of nails, if I had you in my arms."

She glanced at him. "You got it bad for me, don't you, Stabler?" she teased.

He took a breath. Very softly, and seriously, he said, "I do, yeah." He paused. "I know we've both been through a lot, and this all seems like it's too much, too fast, but we need each other, now more than we ever have, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna deny that."

She shivered at his words. "You can't deny that," she said to him.

He swept a hand over her shoulder again, closing his eyes as he remembered his name was emblazoned on the smooth skin under his fingers. "No," he said. "I can't. You can't either. This is...this is more real and serious than we've given it credit for, baby."

"It always has been," she said absently. "Just took us a while to come around, to realize what we had before we lost it. Because we almost did. For good."

A moment of silence passed between them. "Liv?"

She lifted her head and peered down at him.

He cupped her chin easily with one hand and brought her face closer to his. He kissed her, slowly, tenderly. He twisted their bodies, their kiss never breaking, and when he was half on top of her, the kiss deepened, quickened.

Her hands cupped his face, she felt his palms sliding down her body. Her breath hitched when the button on her pants snapped, she tensed up when she felt him inching the fabric of her pants down, and her breath was coming in shorter gasps.

He pulled away from her lips, slinking down her form, kissing her chest, stomach, gripping her pants and pulling them lower and kissing her thighs.

She felt his hot breath on the thin sensitive skin, so close to the place that ached for him desperately right now. She twitched when his nose brushed up her covered slit, and she blushed slightly, either because she had never been so aware of the intimacy of it, or because it was Elliot, or both.

He inhaled her scent, breathed her in deep, and looked up at her as he nudged the white cotton to the side. "Liv," he whispered, asking permission.

She bit her lip, ran a hand through his hair, and nodded slightly, afraid if she spoke she'd scare him. And herself. She gripped the hair at the back of his neck, then, feeling his warm, wet tongue slip up her wet slit once.

He moaned at her taste, finding her intoxicating, and lost himself in her depths. He brought the fingers of one hand down to meet his mouth and spread her a bit wider, then he flicked the tip of his tongue over her clit rapidly.

She moaned, her back arched off the seat, pressing her into his working mouth, and she dug her nails into his scalp. "Jesus, El," she panted.

He moaned, taking her in, savoring her. He licked up and down her folds again, then pursed his lips over her nub and suckled, earning whimpers from her. He moaned with her flesh in his mouth, felt her twitch and writhe beneath him, and he knew she was close. He had to bring her closer.

She breathed as deeply as she could, the pressure building. Her toes curled and she bent her head backward. "Oh, shit, El," she croaked, "God! Oh, God!"

He lapped at her as she came, loving each taste, each moment. When she stopped thrashing and lay beneath him, breathing heavily but otherwise motionless, he stopped. He licked his lips, adjusted her pants, and crawled back up, staring down at her, nose-to-nose.

She blinked at him, a sultry smirk on her face.

He smiled at her, then kissed her, knowing she could taste herself on his lips and tongue turned him on even more, hardened him. He knew she could feel him pressing into her, and pulled back after a moment. "I wanna take my time with you," he said. "I don't wanna jump into something we aren't ready for, but...God, baby, I have never wanted anyone more than I want you."

She lifted her head, kissed him, and whispered, "What makes you think I'm not ready?" She nuzzled his nose, clutching at his strong arms braced around her. "I want you, too, El. All of you."

He laughed silently. "I know, baby, but I...it needs to be right, with you. For starters, I think we're getting into the habit of fooling around in the car. I need you, desperately, but...a bed would be a good idea."

She smirked, then kissed him again. "Well, then, maybe we should buy one."

He laughed and pushed himself up, off of her, and sat up. He helped her up, too, and ran a hand down his face. "We need to buy a lot of things. You off tomorrow?"

"You know I am," she told him as she elbowed him lightly.

He kissed her forehead then opened the car door. "Tomorrow," he said, "We buy a bed."

**A/N: A hitch in the plan, when Tucker makes a phone call, and a night in the new house without the kids? The end, maybe, coming up. **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: An evening of revelations**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

Tilting her head, standing in the bedroom doorway, Olivia made a face. "Maybe turn it the other way? Push it back against the wall?"

Elliot popped his head up and exhaled harshly. "Maybe help me do it, instead of watching me move the thing?"

"But it's so…I mean, you're so…sweaty…and the way you grunt when you move…" she bit her lip and narrowed her eyes.

He smirked at her and moved slowly toward her. "I can tell ya something else that would make me grunt," he said, his voice low. "Would make me sweat." He ran his hands up her arms. "You'd have a hell of a lot more fun than you do watching me move furniture."

"Oh," she breathed softly, his touch giving her goosebumps. She looked into his eyes, realizing how serious he was. She wasn't nervous about being with him, that much she knew. She was just scared, very much afraid of what would happen when it was over, when she would have to face the moment after.

It would be the first time in months that she would be sober, that she would feel, that she would connect. Part of her was more than ready but part of her wanted to run away screaming.

Elliot saw the hesitation in her eyes. "If you don't want…I mean, I'm not…I was just…" He brushed his thumb over her knuckles as he held her hand in his. "I can wait. As long as it takes."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she pushed herself toward him, kissing him. As her lips claimed his, she moaned, she felt electricity rush through her veins, and she felt certain. More certain that she had ever been about anything.

He groaned and sighed, fumbling with the button on her jeans as he moved backward toward their new bed. He shivered when her nails raked over his bare chest, he gasped, sucking her bottom lip into his mouth, when she tugged on his sweatpants.

She kept her eyes closed, letting the emotion and sensation of his touch sink in, and she whimpered when his hand cupped her breast underneath her shirt.

His thumb teased and worked her nipple into a rosy bead, and she moaned louder. It encouraged him, and he tugged lightly on the bud. He smirked against her lips when she let out a sultry cry of his name.

She whined a bit when he moved his hand to pull her shirt over her head. She opened her eyes, then, and watched him throw it to the floor. Then his hands skimmed her body and inched her jeans down.

"Stand up for me," he whispered.

She moved off of him, off of the bed, and got to her feet. Her knees were shaking, and her palms were sweating, but she kept her eyes on his.

He gazed lovingly at her, pulling the denim over her hips slowly. He let her step out of the jeans, tossed them aside, and ran his hands back up her bare legs to the elastic of her panties. He leaned forward, closed his eyes, and nuzzled her waist. He inhaled, breathing in her scent, her arousal, and moaned.

She ran her fingers through his hair, touched at the intimacy he provided that no one else ever had. She watched as he slowly slid the cotton over her hips and down her legs, and she was stunned when, instead of looking at her naked sex, he looked into her eyes.

He reached both hands up, cupping her face, and coaxed her back down to him. He leaned back and moved her, she was straddling him now, and his eyes were still locked on hers.

She sucked in a breath when both of his hands moved toward her chest, each holding a breast, his thumbs brushing slowly over her nipples. "Oh, God," she groaned, as he bent his head up and sucked one of the pert nubs into his mouth.

He hummed, her nipple between his teeth as he suckled, and his eyes rolled up to look at her face. He saw bliss, pure bliss in her eyes, in her smile. He let her nipple go with a soft pop, and he kissed the rest of her chest, and her stomach, and then flattened out on the bed.

She raised her head again, looking at him, and moved her fingers lightly over his body. She felt him twitch under her touch, and she looked into his eyes, into his soul, when she finally smoothed her hand over his rigid manhood.

He moaned, and his eyes fluttered, closing briefly. Then he held her stare for a moment before dropping his gaze to her hand, stroking him. "Fuck," he seethed. Watching it somehow heightened the sensation. He looked back up at her, smoothed his hands over her back, and eased her slightly to the left. "I love you," he whispered.

She smiled as she bent forward, nuzzled his nose with hers, and whispered, "I love you, too, El." She kept her forehead against his as she bucked forward, sinking onto him slowly. "God, oh, God," she barely breathed.

"Holy mother of…" he began, but the moment was too much and took his voice. He panted, bursts of hot air from his mouth landed on her lips, and he quaked as he was taken deeply into her. He kissed her once she was settled over him, and he could feel her flesh against his.

She whimpered into his kiss, feeling so full and being aware of it all for the first time hit her hard, and she knew it was more because it was Elliot. She scraped her nails down his arms as she raised herself up and sank back down slowly.

His grunts and moans were muffled by their kiss, his hands were holding tightly to her hips. He gasped for air when the kiss broke, and he said, "Oh, my God, baby. You're so tight…hot…wet." He kissed her neck. "You feel so good. So, so good."

Her breath quickened when she sped up her motion. She reached for one of his hands, then slid it up her body and held it to her breast. "El," she whimpered, her eyes closing, "Elliot."

He tweaked her nipple and began moving his own hips, slamming up into her as she moved herself down. They found a rhythm, a hard and powerful one, and he heard their bodies smack with each thrust.

She cried his name, holding onto his wrist as his rapidly moving thumb brought her ecstasy to new heights.

"Stop," he choked out, sitting up. "Baby, stop," he growled. He moved his hand and grabbed her around the waist again, looking into her scared eyes. "Not…don't stop, just…" He grunted in frustration as he flipped her over, still inside of her, and began to thrust again, now on top of her.

She understood now, and she whispered his name as her eyes rolled backward.

He bent his head to take the nipple he'd been teasing into his mouth, his left hand slipping into hers and his right searching out her swollen clit between their bodies. He slowed his thrusts, making every pass deliberate, assuring she felt every inch of him slide against her flesh. "So good, baby," he moaned again.

She bit her lip, then rolled her head to the side, and she was aware of the tear sliding down her cheek but couldn't bring herself to make a sound.

He took a breath, then kissed away her tear. "Look at me," he commanded gently.

She sniffled and her head turned again, and she opened her eyes to see that he, too, had let a few tears fall. She held the hand that was not holding his to the side of his face, her thumb brushed the droplets away, and she kissed him as he slowly, deeply loved her.

He felt her tighten around him, felt her legs pull at his back, and his already ragged breathing almost stopped. He had dreamed of this moment, prayed for it, for so long, and it was right on the brink of existence. He let his tongue tangle with hers, squeezed her hand tightly, and moved just a bit faster, the agony and anticipation wearing on him.

"El," she gasped against their kiss, "Elliot. Yes. God, Yes!" Her voice grew louder, higher, her words became mere sounds and her body burned with love, desire, shock, need, lust, and she clenched hard. She felt as if she were being ripped in two, her lips peeled away from his, and she growled his name. "Oh, Elliot!"

Grunts and growls escaped him as he watched her come undone beneath him, because of him, and he thrust through the vicious tightness she'd become until he spurted hotly, in long streams, inside of her, saying nothing but her name over and over again.

Her vision blurred, her body went numb, but her mind was racing with thoughts and none of them were fearful or regretful. Not about this. She blinked quickly and looked down, his head was on her chest and he was smiling. She chuckled softly and kissed the top of his head, making him look up.

He said nothing. There was nothing he could say. He kissed her languidly, rolling them over but keeping their bodies locked together, and he wasn't even sure when they fell asleep, only knew that he didn't dream. His greatest dream had just come true.

* * *

><p>A shrill sound woke Olivia up, she groaned as she reached blindly for the phone, but opened her eyes and looked around in confusion when she couldn't find it. She blinked. Then she remembered. She smiled and looked at Elliot, sleeping beside her, and she quietly got up to find her cell phone.<p>

"Benson," she said in a hushed tone when she found it. "No, I'm just…I don't wanna wake up…what do you want, Nick?"

Elliot, already awake, sighed and sat up. He knew their night would be ruined by Amaro somehow, but did it have to happen so soon after he'd taken such a big leap with Olivia? "What?" he grumbled, swiping a hand down his face as he saw Olivia fumbling to get her jeans on with one hand.

He got out of the bed, walked to her, and helped her dress as she got details of the case she was heading into. "Liv?"

She looked at him, held up a finger, and said, "I'll meet you there. You don't have to pick me…fine." She shoved her phone into her pocket. "I gotta go," she said, looking at him.

"I figured that out," he chuckled. "Where? Why?"

She inched closer to him, brushed her lips over his, and said, "That was the single most intensely satisfying sexual experience of my life." She kissed him. "You don't know what it meant, El. It was…everything…and I am so sorry I have to leave now, before we got to talk…"

"Nothing to talk about," he said, shaking his head. "I have a pretty good idea what it meant to you, baby. I cried, too, remember?" He held his eyes on hers, steady, unashamed.

She kissed him again, and she whispered against his lips, "Every moment. Every single moment. I remember it all, and I don't think I have ever felt anything like what you made me feel tonight, even before…"

He pressed a finger to her lips. "Me either," he told her, sincerity in his eyes. "Where are you going?"

She kissed the pad of his finger as it rested over her lips. "We got a call. DV on Forty-Second," she sighed. "Wife is in unconscious, and the son…he saw everything. Everything." Her lower lip trembled. "He's five, El."

He closed his eyes and sighed. He raised his lids and looked at her. "When it's over, you call me. Got it? I will come get you and we'll go…I think you…I think you know your limits, you're not drinking to forget anymore."

She bit her lip and nodded, then kissed him softly. "I love you," she said to him before turning to leave.

He watched her go, then looked around the new bedroom. His eyes landed on the bed, the sheets that still smelled like her, the pillow that still held the form of her head. He smiled, then snapped his head back to the door, hoping she would call him before doing anything after she was done.

He knew her, and he knew she hated cases like this. The ones that they would spend hours talking about, the ones that they cried about. The ones that always made them end their night in a bar, with a drink, and a desperate need to forget the look in the child's eyes. "Damn it," he spat to himself.

He got dressed fast, grabbed his gun and badge, and ran.

**A/N: So? What's he gon' do?**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: A moment of weakness, followed by another.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

"You didn't have to follow me," Olivia snorted, sitting on a round stool at a small bar. "You didn't have to stand there and watch like some rat from IAB either."

"Couldn't take part in the investigation," Elliot shrugged. He got the bartender's attention and ordered two drinks, hoping he was right, hoping that would be enough. "Couldn't leave you alone, so standing there and watching seemed like the best option."

"Staying home and trusting me wasn't an option?" she chided, gratefully taking the small glass of amber liquid from the young man behind the bar. "What's this?"

"That's your one shot," Elliot said to her. "You earned it." He brushed her hair behind her ear. "You wanna talk about it?"

"He...that boy he..." she shook her head and lifted the glass to her lips, slamming back the shot in one gulp. She grimaced, feeling the burn for the first time in so long. She shook her head and tried to get the taste out of her mouth, realizing how nasty it truly was. "God, he just looked so much like..."

"Eli?" Elliot offered, his lip caught between his teeth, a beer bottle in his hands. He slowly reached for the empty shot glass, the one hard drink he allowed her to have, and slipped a beer bottle between her trembling fingers. "It's light," he told her.

She nodded, her fingers instantly picking at the label. "It took everything I had not to just...hold him. Let him cry." She blinked. "His eyes were so...he was so scared, El," she told him, her voice shaking with wispy breaths. "Every question I had to force him to answer, I...my heart broke."

Elliot rested a hand on her knee. "Liv, you...you've seen all of this before, I don't get..."

"For six months, El, I've been numb to it," she interrupted. She looked up at him and took a breath. "I just did my job, said what people wanted to hear, helped them as best I could but...the sympathy and empathy were gone." She took a small sip of the beer. "I haven't had a drink in weeks...now, I feel...everything," she almost whispered. "And it all leads back to you."

"Me?" he questioned, furrowing his brow.

She nodded, taking another sip from the bottle, now missing half of it's sticky label. "Every case, every vic, every perp...something reminds me of you, or one of the kids, and it..." She takes a breath, she takes a gulp of beer. "It's the same as it was before, and it's why I was gonna leave."

"Before?" he asked, tilting his head. He moved closer to her. "You just said..."

"Why do you think I drank so much?" she questioned before he could finish. She shook her head, smirking in disbelief. "I wasn't drinking to forget you, I was drinking to forget why I couldn't forget you. No matter how much whiskey I shot, I remembered."

He squeezed her thigh. "So now that it's all right, you wanna leave?" he asked, fear behind his words.

She scoffed. "Right now, El, I would like you to shut up and have a beer and make me forget that kid, and this case, like you used to do."

He laughed briefly, then signaled the bartender. "I think I can do more for you now than I could then," he said to her, bending his head and kissing her. "I can make you forget all about it, Liv," he whispered. "Even without the beer."

She fell into him, her head against his as her eyes closed, and she took deliberate breaths. "I know you can," she said to him. "I just want to feel normal, I wanna...I have to prove I can do this, El."

He nodded, his head rubbing against hers, and he kissed her lips gently. "I wish," he said, inhaling sharply, "I wish I never left you. The unit. You."

She smiled softly at him. "I know, but...you had to," she said with a shrug. "You did what you had to do, and you...you did what I should have done." She closed her eyes. "What it took me too long to do, and maybe...maybe it's too late." She pulled away from him, resumed peeling away at the beer bottle, and said, "You saved yourself, but you just can't..."

"You don't need saving," he interrupted. "You're fine. You're not the same, but...being different isn't bad. You've changed, but I think it's for the better, right? What we have now, it's...it's what we had then and then some, and I really don't want to lose this, Liv."

She looked up at him. "No, that's not..." she blinked once, her own self-loathing sinking in and something clicking in the back of her mind. "I'm being stupid. So stupid." She slid the beer away from her and turned her body toward him. "I'm happy. With you, with the kids, with that new...and very comfortable bed," she laughed softly. "This whole time...I've been using excuse after excuse to..."

"You're afraid of being happy," Elliot said with a nod. "I was, too. That's part of the reason..." he cleared his throat. "The night I ran after you, that was the night I realized I needed to stop being afraid of letting myself feel something." He kissed her forehead. "I was so afraid of getting hurt and fucking up again, that I almost lost you. Really lost you."

She kissed his lips, then placed small kisses along his chin and down his neck. She heard him moan and she smirked. "It's over," she whispered, her lips moving against his pulse. "Can't change it, can we? We just have to move forward, together, knowing that..." she lifted her eyes to meet his, "Knowing that I'm never gonna lose you again. Am I?"

He shook his head slowly, his eyes wet with unshed tears. "No," he breathed. And as he cupped her face, pulled her head toward his, and kissed her slowly, deeply, and soundly, a pair of eyes looked on, narrow and not amused.

* * *

><p>"So," Nick said, grinning smugly at Olivia as he sat in his chair. "Nice night?"<p>

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "You were with me," she said, "Our night sucked."

"Oh, sorry," Nick answered, folding his arms. "Did you have a nice morning, then? Whiskey and beer, breakfast of champions," he spat. "Thought you didn't drink. Anymore."

She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head. "You saw me? Us," she corrected. "I had a shot and one beer, because I needed to prove that I could. That I didn't actually have a..."

"Problem?" Nick asked, then, suddenly feeling awful. "You thought you..."

"Look," she whispered, leaning toward him. "I used to drink, a lot. My mother was an alcoholic, I thought I might...so last night, I had to reassure myself that I knew what I was doing, and it didn't control me."

Nick bit his lip. "So did you? Control yourself, I mean."

Olivia smiled. "Yeah," she said. "It was a pretty rocky start, but then...it was just me and El, having a beer after work, like nothing had changed." She rolled her eyes. "He was so...good... about it. Refused to have another drink, even though he could, just to keep me in check. He had my back," She ran her teeth along her lower lip.

"You and El," Nick said with a smile. "Well, next time you wanna have a drink or two with your old partner, mind inviting the new one along?" He tossed her a rubber band ball from Munch's desk. "You're not the only one who needs to relax once in a while. Why do you think I was there last night?" His smile faded. "Didn't stop at one drink, though."

Olivia eyes him carefully. "You wanna talk about it?" She tossed the ball back to him.

He shook his head. "Nah," he said, making a face. "That would mean we'd get a little closer." He sat up straight in his chair and turned away from her, focusing on his paperwork.

"I told you," she said, sighing, "That I'm okay now. It...we can work on..."

"No, Olivia," he said, not looking at her as he cut her off. "You're fears and anxieties aren't the issue, anymore. I don't wanna get any closer to you. Not anymore. I can't."

She was taken aback, even hurt. She sat back in her chair, her head turning to the file on her own desk. "Okay," she said, barely a whisper.

And Nick looked up at her, thankful she wasn't returning his gaze. He finally pulled an honest emotion from her, he just hated that it was pain. He went back to his papers, the gears turning in his head, working to find a way to make her really come around.

**A/N: What does Nick say? Do? And closure. Next. **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Life. Or something like it...**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

The sun hit Olivia's face, her closed eyes tightened even more. She whined and pulled the blanket over her head, refusing to admit defeat and give into the morning, to daylight.

"Hey, come on, sleepyhead," Elliot's voice called through the thick quilt. "Get up."

A mumble and a roll of her body was her answer, her refusal.

With a sigh, Elliot wrapped his arms around the burrito that she had become, and he kissed the bit of her head that the blue blanket didn't conceal. "Please?" he whispered. "There's so much I wanna do with you today."

She grunted and pulled the comforter down, then rolled her head to look at him. "Do you have a death wish, Stabler?"

He laughed and kissed her pouting lips, then tilted his head. He took in the sight of her grimace in the sunlight, and he smiled. "You look so beautiful right now."

She raised an eyebrow. "Two minutes ago, you wanted me out of bed. Keep talking like that and you'll convince me you'd rather stay right here." She smirked and kissed him.

He hummed against her lips, but pushed her away gently. "No, I...do want...well, I would love nothing more than to make love to you right now, but I have plans." He sat up and scooted off of the bed. "Get up, get dressed. We're leaving in five minutes. Wear sneakers."

Without a choice, it seemed, she stretched and ran a hand through her hair, then got out of the warm, safe bed. She dressed quickly, brushed her teeth and hair, and spritzed herself with perfume before meeting Elliot in the hallway. "What's the rush? Where are we going?"

He winked at her. "It's a surprise," he told her, grabbing her hand. He pulled her out of the house, led her to the car, and drove in serene silence. He kept glancing from the windshield to her, the smile never leaving his face.

* * *

><p>"Okay," she said, slamming the car door as she got out of the vehicle, "Where the hell are we?" She yawned and stretched. "Half an hour drive, and we're in the middle of nowhere."<p>

He walked around to her, took both of her hands in his, and tugged her away from the truck. "Somewhere...very special to me. To, uh, to us. I hope."

She looked around, confused. She'd never been here before, that she could remember. She took a deep breath, the fresh air was a welcome change from the smog of the city. She took it all in, she was surrounded by trees, falling leaves in bright reds and yellows, singing birds and the sound of running water hit her ears. "El?"

"We're in Jersey," he said dryly.

"I figured that out when we drove through the tunnel, smartass." She followed him through the gap between two trees, and her eyes widened. "Oh, wow," she breathed.

He pulled her along, then sat on a boulder near a ravine. He tugged her into his lap. "High Mountain Loop," he said. "It's a hiking trail my dad and I used to...when he was sober, Liv, he was a great father." He blinked. "We used to come out here once a month, on a Sunday, after Church. Just the two of us. We'd fish for a while, then hike up the mountain. He said that getting to the top would be getting closer to God."

"You brought me here because you think I need spiritual enlightenment?" she questioned, annoyed.

He shook his head. "No, I...I brought you here because I wanted to share the only place that ever made me really happy when I was a kid. I wanted to do something with you that I never did with anyone else." He bit his lip. "I haven't been out here since I was fourteen," he almost whispered.

"Why?" she asked. "If you loved it so much..."

"I came here with my dad," he interrupted. "When he...when he stopped caring about me, and about being a father, we stopped coming. It didn't feel right hiking the trail by myself. This...this kinda thing needs to be shared with someone important. Someone special. You."

She was silent. Her voice would crack if she tried to speak.

"I also took you here," he said, holding her tighter, "To see things from a different perspective, to get a little fresh air, a little sunshine, and to be with me for a while, away from the crazy life we have in that city. Just us, and the wildlife, and...yeah, and God."

She kissed him softly, and then got off of his lap. "Well," she said, pulling him up this time. "Let's go."

He smiled and let out a relieved laugh, then guided her toward the trail entrance. "You know, I think this is really gonna be..."

"I know, El," she said, smiling back at him. She followed his lead, and walked the path with him, hoping he was right and the experience would not only be good for her, but for them.

* * *

><p>Two and a half hours later, which was spent talking, kissing, and confessing to each other as they hiked, they reached the end of the loop, the peak of the mountain. Olivia looked out at the horizon, she absorbed the magnificent view of the city skyline from a vantage point she'd never seen until now.<p>

"Well?" he asked, exhaling as he, too, let his eyes span over the sight he hadn't seen in years.

"I can see why this is your favorite place," she almost whispered, sitting on the ground. She draped her legs over the edge, she heard him scuffle and sit beside her, she felt his arms wrap around her. "It's so..."

He waited, but when nothing followed, he kissed her cheek. "Yeah," he whispered. "I needed this, Liv. The closure, ya know? I needed to prove I could come back here and remember my father for more than just the monster he became."

"Just like I needed that drink," she said, biting her lip. "To prove I'm not my mother. And this...El, being here...this morning made me realize that there's so much more...so much I could have missed out on if...if I got on that bus, if I left." She looked at him. "That's what this is about? You letting me in, letting me know that...whatever this is, between us, it's real."

He hummed, he pulled her closer, and he let her drop her head to his shoulder. "More real than anything I've known in my whole life, Liv. Since I was fourteen." He bit his lip. "I've told you before, baby, you weren't the only one who broke when I left the unit. I needed you to stay...to fix me. So I could fix you."

She blinked her brown eyes up at him, and she kissed his lips softly. "We're getting there," she told him, then nestled against him and turned away.

He sighed again, and the silence built between them as they both gazed out into the expanse of land below them, feeling closer to God than either ever had.

* * *

><p>Olivia knew the day had been too perfect, and when night fell, her phone rang, ripping her away from the family she was trying to build and back into the reality she loathed. "What happened?" she barked, stepping under the yellow crime scene tape, annoyed. "It's Sunday, my only day off, and I was with..."<p>

Amaro interrupted her. "Well, while you were playing Stepmom, this girl was thrown out of a window, after being raped repeatedly. She had a bad-fucking-night, Olivia. I think it's worth missing Eli's bath time."

Olivia scoffed. "What have we got so far?"

Amaro smirked, she wasn't arguing with him, it was a step up. "Melinda found fluids, and there's skin and blood under her nails."

Olivia nodded as she knelt down, eyeing the body of the girl. "I'm not missing bath time, for your information," she said to him. "I was helping Kathleen deal with one of her...steps."

"Steps?" Amaro squinted.

"Yeah," she said, pulling on a latex glove. She checked the victim's dress, noting it looked cut, not torn. "She's in a program. She had an incident about a week ago, had to start over, I was helping her do it."

He closed his eyes. "Sorry," he said to her. "Really, if you need to go..."

"Too late now," she interrupted, standing. "We got a name?"

"Amanda Fullerton," he stated. "Junior at NYU, champion tennis player." He held up an evidence bag. "Amazing what a wallet can tell you." He tossed it to her.

She caught it, shaking her head. "Look, about yesterday, I..."

"Forget it," he said, seeing the confliction in her eyes, masking the confusion. "I didn't mean it. I just wanted you to...feel something. Because of me. Not him."

"So you chose to hurt me?" she questioned.

He smiled at her. "Worked, didn't it?" he asked quietly, then took a step closer. "Does it scare you, Olivia? Knowing that, whether you like it or not, I can do that? Means you care about me a lot more than you let on."

She huffed and turned away from him, then her eyes widened. "Fullerton? You said Amanda Fullerton?"

"Yeah, why?" he spat. "You know her? She a friend of one of Stabler's..."

"No," Olivia cut him off. "She's the daughter of a cop." She rolled her eyes. "I'll call Tucker."

Amaro shook his head. "I'll do it," he said. "Go with Melinda. Stay with the...vic."

Olivia smiled at him. "See?" she said with a small nod. "That's not that hard."

"Guess not," Amaro shrugged. He watched Olivia walk away, heading toward the Medical Examiner, and as he dialed a number on his cell phone, he turned toward a black truck, parked a few feet behind his own grey sedan. He waved to Elliot.

Elliot's eyes narrowed, then he got back into his truck. He had followed them the other night out of concern for Olivia, but tonight, it was out of fear for her. He didn't trust Nick Amaro, and the text he'd gotten from Fin only told him his instincts were right.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: It's too late for you and your white horse to come around. - Taylor Swift, But...is it?**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

"We lie for a living," Olivia said, her lip caught between her teeth. "We lie to victims to get them to trust us, we lie to the perps to make them confess, we lie to the world when we're undercover."

Nick tilted his head. "What's your point?"

She blinked and turned her head toward him. "I've lied to my captain, I've lied to Fin, to Munch...I've lied to Tucker, I've lied to Warner, I've lied to Huang." She folds her arms. "I've even lied to you."

"Are you going somewhere with this?" he asked her, furrowing his brow. "Because this is a really odd 'waiting-for-DNA' conversation."

She flicked the bangs out of her face with one finger, and she sighed. "The only person I've never lied to...not about anything serious...is Elliot." She licked her lips and said, "I think I'm even lying to myself, more now than ever. Maybe we both are."

"About what?" Nick leaned closer to her, his elbows on his knees as he shifted in his chair. He hoped her next words would be about a break-up, a fight, anything that would give him a chance.

"Everything," she said in a whisper. "I had an amazing day with him yesterday, I haven't fell that alive in...ever. I try to convince myself that this is happening, and to let it happen, but then..."

Nick scoffed. "This is about Elliot?"

"Can I finish, please?" she snapped, sitting up straighter. She waited for him to nod and she continued. "I'm not used to having someone like him in my life at all. I'm not used to having him, after work, away from the job. I don't have a lot of friends, Nick. I never did. I don't have a family, not a real one. So you have to understand, that whatever jealousy or animosity you have toward Elliot because of me...you need to get over it, because he's not going anywhere, not if I can help it."

Nick's eyes closed and he swallowed hard. "Are you sure? Or are you just lying to yourself again?"

Struck by his words, she grunted. "I don't really know," she told him, "But it's all I've got right now. So you can either man up and take this for what it is, at face value, and accept that this is as close as we're gonna get, or you can keep to yourself and remain nothing more than a part-time partner."

"Why, though?" he asked, moving a bit closer. "Why does it have to be this or nothing? There's no chance of us getting any closer than..."

"Nick," she backed away and raised both eyebrows, "You're running hot and cold, here. One day you wanna be my best friend, the next you want nothing to do with me, tonight you apologize, and now that I'm making an effort you want even more. Just tell me what you..."

"You have no idea," he interrupted. "You really don't know the effect you have on people."

"I drive them crazy," she said with narrow eyes. "I'm aware."

He grinned at her. "Not the way you think you do," he told her. "The way you walk, like you own the fucking world. The way you talk, with this authority and confidence...the way you..."

"Whoa, okay," she stopped him and stood up. "Don't finish that..."

"Olivia, it's hard for me to be around you when I'm..." he paused. "I love my wife, but you..."

She held up a hand. "Stop it," she warned. "Not gonna happen. Never gonna happen."

He blinked once. "Maybe it would have if your fucking white knight hadn't shown up again."

"Is that what you think?" she accused, shaking her head. "If he didn't come find me when he did...I was ready to leave. Had a bus ticket, packed bags, gave up my apartment...I was gone."

He stood up, then, and moved into her, grabbing her wrists. "But why did you run right into his arms the minute he showed up, huh? You hated him for leaving, you despised him for months. You burst into tears when he sent you that...hunk of metal around your neck."

"This," she barked, grabbing at the pendant, "Means more than you could possibly under..."

"I know what it means!" he yelled. He looked around, then lowered his voice. "I know, trust me. But why did you put something like that...you took it, accepted it, and he was nowhere to be found. Do you know how pathetic that is? You were in love with a ghost, Olivia. You let him destroy you and you crawled back to him without even thinking it was possible for someone else...someone who was right in front of you..."

She shook her head and pulled away from him. "You don't understand, and I can't explain it. You're right, I was in love with him, even when I should have hated him. I needed him, though, Nick. When he came back, I was..." she closed her eyes and took a breath. "He saved me, he's the only one that could. He didn't destroy me, I destroyed myself. I did...everything I did...because I couldn't live without him. If you can't see the reason..."

"Liv?"

Her head turned sharply, and she smiled. "What are you doing here?"

Elliot spoke to her but had his angry gaze fixed on Nick Amaro. "It's the city morgue," he said with a snort. "I'm a homicide detective. So..." He finally looked at her, and his tense features relaxed. "You okay?"

She nodded, her fingers still playing at the medal around her neck. "Good, yeah."

His left hand crept up her back, then slid back down slowly, stopping just before the curve of her ass. "You sure?"

She nodded. "We were just talking, waiting for Warner to give us the results of..."

"You don't have to explain yourself to him," Nick interjected.

Elliot huffed and looked at him. "The only one around here that has any explaining to do is you." He took a step forward, his voice dropped. "You wanna tell me why your name came up in Fin's investigation?"

Nick's eyes narrowed to slits. "What?"

"Fin," Elliot said with a sneer, "He and Munch did a phone dump on their vic, and the last number she called...the last person she talked to before she walked out into the night to meet her killer, was you. They're waiting for you to get back, they want you to explain how you ended up being the last voice a woman heard before she was raped and killed."

Olivia gasped behind him, but Nick didn't flinch. "A lot of women call me," he said. "Your precious Olivia would have, too, if she wasn't so hung up on you."

"You're married," Elliot spat.

Nick scoffed. "Well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black." He shook his head. "Olivia was right. The two of you really do lie to yourselves more than anyone else."

"I never said that!" Olivia defended.

"Whatever," Nick scoffed. "So I will go back and talk to Fin, is that what you want?"

Elliot smirked. "I want a lot more than that," he said with a twinge of threat in his voice. "But I'm on a case, so are you, and strangling my girlfriend's partner won't sit well with IAB."

Nick laughed. "Case?" he asked. "You had the night off, just like Benson over there, so unless..."

"Had," Elliot spat, "Until three teenagers were shot outside of a convenience store. Our ME is out of the country so the bodies were sent here. I'm here to get Warner's reports."

Nick backed up. "Fine, you win," he said, walking away. "I'm going to clear this phone thing up with Fin, you and your princess can be alone." He shook his head and turned, heading for the elevator.

"I really don't like that guy," Elliot said, his jaw clenched.

Olivia's hands ran over his shoulders. "I know," she said.

"I heard him, ya know," he said, turning to face her. "And I heard what you told him." He smiled. "I love you, too."

She chuckled softly, then folded her arms. "He was really the last person..."

"Yeah," Elliot nodded. "Fin texted me as soon as he found out. I...and please, don't get mad..."

"Oh, great," she said with a roll of her eyes. "What?"

"When I got the message, I got in the car," he took a breath. "You told me where you were going so I...I just...something didn't sit right after that, Liv. I had to make sure..."

"You don't have any vics here," she interrupted, one eyebrow raised. "You were following me all night?"

He tightened his grip on her waist. "I don't trust him, I never have, and now it's...justified. No way was I letting you..."

"El," she said, almost a whine, "I've got a gun. A big one."

He smiled. "So do I."

She laughed and dropped her forehead to his. "I do appreciate you being that protective of me," she whispered. "It's kinda sexy."

"Yeah?" he teased, running his lips over hers. "You're sexy."

She let out a soft growl, then kissed him. Only for a moment, before a throat cleared to their right. They broke apart and Olivia pressed her lips together, her brows high as she turned.

"Relax," Melinda said, "My lips are sealed. Unlike yours." She laughed then walked over to them. "Elliot, it's good to see you."

"You, too, Doc," he said, shaking her hand.

Melinda handed Olivia a few papers. "Got a hit," she said. "Your perp is a cop. He was in the system."

"Thanks," Olivia said, flipping through the stapled pages. "We gotta get back. Find out if this guy had a grudge against Fullerton or..."

"Liv?" Elliot spoke, smirking.

She blinked at him. "Sorry. Habit. I just...when you're with me, it's like you never left."

He kissed her forehead. "I'll walk you up," he said. "Then I am going to sit out in the parking lot, in my car, waiting for you."

She furrowed her brow. "I drove to..."

"I know you did, but I will follow you home," he broke in. "Liv, baby," his voice was only a bare breath now, "I really don't trust him."

"You're really scared, aren't you?" She saw the fear in his eyes. "El, nothing is..."

"I almost lost you once, because I was a fucking idiot," he intruded. "I am not gonna lose you again, because of someone else."

"Oh, honey," she breathed, wiping away a tear that had trickled down his cheek. "You weren't an idiot, you...you did what you needed to do. And you're not gonna lose me."

He kissed her, then. Hard. "Damn right I'm not." He took her hand, the one not clutching Melinda's report, and pulled her toward the elevator, swearing that nothing would happen to her. A promise he intended to keep.

**A/N: Amaro? Involved with a rape and murder? Maaaybe? Maaaaybe not...**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And also evil intentions.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Fin came out of the interrogation room, catching Olivia's eye. He shook his head and tossed a thick file down onto his desk. "Coincidence," he mumbled, dropping into his seat.

"I think someone owes me an apology," Nick said smugly, straightening his tie as he walked out of the interrogation room. "You wanna get Stabler on the phone? On speaker. Everyone should hear him admit he was wrong."

Olivia shook her head at him. The similarities between him and Elliot were clear and innumerable, but their differences were glaring and she couldn't look past them. "I wouldn't hold your breath," she said to him with folded arms. "Elliot Stabler doesn't really say he's sorry." She smiled a bit. "Especially when he isn't."

Nick chuckled but he was irritated. "Does that mean he hasn't apologized for..."

She cut him off. "Well, he's actually sorry about that."

"Yeah," Nick snorted. "How soon after he claimed to be sorry did you hop into bed with him?"

She narrowed her eyes. "And you wonder why we aren't getting any closer," she snarked. "Asshole."

He simply smiled at her and tugged down the sleeves of his Oxford. "That shirt's a little big for you. No?" He steps closer. "The jacket hugs every curve," he lets out a soft grunt, "But that shirt, sweetheart…the collar is too wide, the sleeves are too long. You're wearing his clothes."

"Don't touch me," she hissed, backing away from the hand that was creeping toward the collar of her button-down. It was Elliot's, he was right.

His eyes narrowed as he stepped even closer to her. "He's not sorry about anything, Olivia, he just knew that you'd believe him and fall all over him if he said it." His top lip twitched, almost smirking. "He knew you'd be an easy lay, if he just said he was sorry. He knows you've got it bad for him, that you need him so fucking desperately you would forgive him anything." He moved his head, his lips were a breath away from hers. He squinted a bit and whispered, "He's got power over you, and he knows it. He's using it, and he's using you."

She opened her mouth to speak, but she stopped herself. She closed her eyes and swallowed. "No," she said softly. "Not worth it."

Nick tilted his head. "Not worth it because you know I'm right?" He almost snarled. "Or because you desperately wanna believe I'm wrong?"

She opened her eyes, the look in them was enough to make him shrink away from her. "You," she hissed. "You aren't worth it." She stormed away from him and headed for Cragen's door.

Nick could only stand and watch, stunned, as she pounded on the door. His plan backfired. Big time.

* * *

><p>The slamming door woke Elliot up with a start. "Wha," he stumbles. He blinked a few times then focused on Olivia. "What are…what happened?"<p>

"Drive," she snapped, buckling her seatbelt.

He sat up a bit. "Honey, your car is…"

"I'm too pissed to drive, El," she snarled. "I'd drive into a divider or something, please just…shut up and drive."

He ran both hands over his face roughly, then started the truck. "You gonna tell me what happened?"

"Bastard had nothing to do with the girl," she huffed.

"Not with Amaro," he said, getting onto the main road. "I have known you for…too damn long," he said, turning down an avenue. "You're pissed, the kind of pissed that scares me, so what…"

"I requested a new partner," she barks. Her nostrils flared and it hurt to breathe. "That son of a bitch said…what he said, and I can't…"

He pulled the car over and caught her hand before she could punch the dashboard. "Calm down," he soothed. "What did he say?"

"Doesn't matter," she gritted through a clenched jaw. "He was wrong, but it was enough to convince me I can't work with him."

He looked into her eyes, his hand still wrapped around her balled up fist. "What did he say, Liv?"

Her anger faded the more she looked at him, the concern she saw in his eyes filled her with assurance that Nick was wrong. "He told me you weren't sorry about leaving, that you knew if you found me and said…" she stopped and shook her head, her eyes rolling as she licked her lips. "He's a fucking idiot."

"You know," he whispered, pulling her hand into his lap. "You know how sorry I am. I've done everything I could think of to make it up to you. I would never just say something to get…wait, you didn't believe him, did you?"

"Of course not," she scoffed. "If he would have said it before, maybe I would have. Honestly, El, I still have doubts about this, part of me thinks this won't work, but I know that…"

His lips stopped her from saying anything else. The hand not gripping hers smoothed up the side of her body and came to rest on the side of her face.

Her breath caught at his gentle touch, and she felt something flow through her. She uncurled her fingers in his palm and linked them with his, her other hand lightly scratching an abstract pattern on his back. Every kiss they'd shared paled in comparison to this.

He pulled back slowly, trying to breathe. "Don't say that," he whispered harshly. "This is gonna work, it has to, because I lost everything else so I could keep you." He opened his eyes. "Would someone who was only after you for sex…"

She pulled him back, kissing him again, and every part of her that was shattered because of him was pieced back together in that moment. "I told you," she whispered, wrapping her arms around him. "He's an idiot. I didn't want to deal with him anymore, El."

He kissed her forehead, then shifted back to turn the key, eager to get them home. "I told you that a long time ago," he said with a small smile. "I, uh…I wanted to ask you…you helping Kat with her program…is that your way of…"

"Two birds, one stone, El," she interrupted, giving him a soft grin.

As he drove, his gaze landed on her more than the road and he chuckled to himself more than once.

"What?" she asked, confused as to what was so funny, "Huh?"

He shook his head, making the last turn onto their street. "I was just thinking," he said. "About your tattoo."

"What about it?" she asked, biting her lip.

"It's my name," he shrugged, turning the car off. "I know you were plastered, but part of you, even drunk, knew that I was yours. Forever."

She smiled at him, and her eyes focused on his. She knew her tattoo did wonders for his ego, but it also did exactly what he said it did. "Yeah," she said with a nod.

He turned to her and hid fingers curled around the gold medal on her necklace. "That's what this is," he said with a nod. "My mark, my promise, Liv."

"Promise of what?" she wonders, her thumb smoothing back and forth over his hand on her neck.

He kissed her softly. "Forever," he said. "Never let anyone, God, especially that fucker, Amaro, tell you otherwise." He kissed her forehead and dropped her necklace, then sighed as he got out of the car. He waited for Olivia, then walked with her up to the front door. He hoped she would fall asleep fast, because he had a phone call to make, and he had to do it without her knowing.

* * *

><p>He walked into the bedroom, trying to stay quiet. He pulled down the covers on his side of the bed, and eased onto the mattress, cringing when it squeaked.<p>

"Stop trying," she mumbled. "I'm awake." She rolled over and looked at him inquisitively.

He laughed and relaxed, lying down and tugging the quilt up. "Sorry," he said.

"Who were you talking to?" she asked. "You grabbed the phone and locked yourself in the den as soon as we walked in."

He wrapped an arm around her. "No one important," he said, kissing her forehead. "Just…someone who might be doing me a favor."

She looked at him, locking her eyes onto his. Her heart thudded, her breath grew rapid. She knew what was happening and did nothing to stop it. She moved toward him, slowly kissing his lips.

He moaned quietly, his hands gently running along the bare skin of her shoulders and arms. He pulled her lightly, easing her further on top of him, and his fingers walked up her neck to tangle in her hair.

She moved one leg, slipping it between his, wrapping herself around his right side. She kissed him deeply, holding onto him, and only gave one soft rock of her hips. "El," she whispered, refusing to stop kissing him.

"Hmm," his answer rang against her lips. His light tugging on her hair made her tremble in his arms, he held her tighter and rolled his hips up into hers. "What, baby?"

She said nothing, but she kept their kiss strong, lingering, languid. Her body tightened and relaxed in a sporadic rhythm, and she knew he could feel it. She whimpered against his lips and tried to keep her emotions in check.

He rolled them both slightly to the side and pried his lips off of hers, then kissed a path down her neck. He felt her heart pound as he trailed over her chest, and he kissed the spot right above the throbbing. He looked up, caught her eyes, and he didn't have to speak. He knew she knew.

Her eyes closed again as he worked his way down her body, she shivered and sighed as he tugged at her clothes, and she allowed herself to forget everything else and focus on him.

The morning would come to fast, though, and her focus would shift to someone else, for a very different reason.

**A/N: Who did Elliot call? A new face at work causes some trouble, and a visit from Kathy stuns the kids, but makes Elliot's life a little easier. Why? The next to final chapter, next. **


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Looking at your future can sometimes make you forget your past. **

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

"Who's the blonde?" Fin asked, leaning into Olivia.

Olivia sighed and looked at him. "Her name's Amanda. She's, um, she's new."

"I figured that out," Fin said, narrowing his eyes. "Stabler leaves, we get Amaro. So this blonde chick shows up..."

"Don't," she interrupted, warning him. "Not now."

Fin stopped her as she walked away, grabbing her arm. "You're leavin' for him?"

"For who?" she snapped, turning and yanking her arm back.

"You know who," Fin said, gritting his teeth.

Olivia sighed. "I'm not leaving for him," she whispered. "I'm...damn it, Fin, I'm tired." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "So tired. Of everything. And as much as I love this job...it isn't what it used to be. Everything I loved about it is gone. I can't trust my partner, my captain looks at me like he expects me to fall apart again, and in the last few months, I realized..."

"You want a life," Fin said, his voice softer now. "You spent time with a guy who loves you, and his kids, it made you realize what you sacrificed to do this job."

She swallowed hard and nodded. "Look, Fin," she blinked, she begged. "I know you talk to him, a lot. Don't tell him, okay? I haven't..."

"You didn't tell him?" he choked, his eyes wide. "Are you..."

"I told him I talked to Cragen," she interrupted. "I didn't tell him why. I...I know him. I know he'll get all pissy and yell at me, and he'll try to change my mind, but..."

"Benson," Cragen called, shutting her up. "You got a vic down at Mercy. Take Rollins with you, show her how it's done."

Olivia took a deep breath and glanced again at Fin. She gave him a small half-smile and walked away from him, hoping he knew how to keep a secret.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for coming," Elliot said to Kathy, pouring her a cup of coffee. "It means a lot to Kathleen."<p>

Kathy smiled, taking the mug from her ex-husband. "On the phone, um, Olivia said she had something to say to me, too. Where is she?" She sipped her coffee with a raised eyebrow.

Elliot sighed. "Working," he said. "She said something about training a rookie. I guess she got a new partner."

"Oh," she said, putting her cup on the counter. "Do you...do you know what she wanted?"

He looked at her and ran his teeth over his bottom lip. "Yeah," he nodded. "She wanted to apologize. She doesn't want you to hate her for..."

"She has nothing to be sorry for, I told her that," Kathy broke in. She folded her arms and cleared her throat. "Do I wish this would have happened differently? Yes. Am I sorry I had to watch her have a breakdown in my bathroom? Hell yes. But do I blame her for ending our marriage?" She chuckled a bit. "I used to, a long time ago. I thought she was tearing us apart, but...she never did anything outwardly to come between us. That was all just...us."

Eliot smiled. "I told her that, too," he said, sipping his own coffee. "She just carries this...guilt. And I know she's not gonna let it go until she actually apologizes." He nodded to the living room. "We should...uh...the kids..."

"Yeah," the blonde agreed, grabbing her coffee and walking out into the family room. She sat on the sofa, to the right of Kathleen, and looked at her. "You okay?"

Kathleen nodded nervously, and she took a deep breath. "I kind of wanted Liv here for..."

"I'm here!" they all heard Olivia yell, coming into the house. She closed the door and sped into the living room. "I'm here. Sorry."

The kids looked at her, confused, and Eli, on wobbly legs, ran to her.

She laughed as she picked him up. "Hey, buddy," she chuckled, nuzzling him a bit. She smiled warmly at him, and hearing him laugh made her heart melt. Then, as if suddenly remembering other people were in the room, she looked up. "Hi, Kathy."

"Hi, Olivia," Kathy nodded.

Kathleen took another breath. "Okay, so...now that the family's all here, I...I have something I need to say to each of you. It's one of the, uh, steps. I know I've done a lot of..."

"Hold on," Kathy interrupted. "Before you get all of your demons off of your chest, there's something I have to say. It might...it might make this easier for you."

"Kathy," Elliot hissed, slightly annoyed, "This is about our daughter. Not you and your..."

"Elliot," Kathy interrupted, "All I'm going to say is...I know how hard it is to overcome an addiction when your home life is unstable."

Olivia flinched at the words, flashes of her youth and her mother swirled in front of her eyes. "You can say that again," she mumbled. She sat next to Elliot with Eli on her lap, he was playing with her hair.

Kathy noticed and hid the smile on her face. She turned to look at each of her kids. "Until this whole thing with Kathleen is in the past, I...I think it's best if you all just stay with your father. Bouncing back and forth isn't good for anyone in this..."

"Who's the guy?" Maureen interjected.

"What?" Kathy asked, narrowing her eyes.

Maureen sat up a bit. "You fought like hell to get the judge to give you an extra weekend each month, now you want us at Dad's full time? That's gotta mean you're seeing a guy who doesn't want kids. Or at least, you wanna be alone with him."

Elliot chuckles and sips his coffee. "What's the matter, Maur? You don't think your mother can do something for the sole purpose of helping her daughter?"

Maureen looks at her father. "Dad," she says flatly. "It also means you and Liv get zero alone time. She wins on all accounts."

"Well, what your mother doesn't know," he says, wrapping an arm around Olivia, "Is that it doesn't matter if you're all here or not."

"Oh! Ew! Dad!" Maureen gags, rolling her eyes.

Olivia and Elliot chuckle, then they both look at Kathy. "Thank you," he says to his ex-wife. "It really will help her out."

Kathy smiled. "I know," she said, brushing Kathleen's hair back. She kissed her daughter's forehead. "You can start now," she said to the teenager.

Kathleen nodded and took a deep breath, and she met Olivia's eyes. She felt stronger with Olivia in the room, someone who knew what she was going through from too many angles, and she needed that kind of support.

* * *

><p>It was hard for them, listening to Kathleen apologize to everyone for every hurt she caused. It was exhausting, emotionally draining, and Olivia kept thinking about herself, and her mother, and how she wished the program could have saved her.<p>

Elliot saw the glazed over look in Olivia's eyes as she changed into her pajamas, and he walked over to her and kissed her forehead. "What's wrong?" he asked.

She pressed into him a bit. "My life," she mumbled. "It's true, what they say, ya know? History repeats itself. Watching Kathleen...it was like watching my mother, but so much worse." She nuzzled into his chest. "And then...then it was like watching myself. I didn't realize..."

"Hey," he cut her off, cupping her chin. "No, you don't. You're fine. You didn't have a problem, Liv, you had a minor bout with an escape from things...things you didn't need to escape from. Not really."

She looks into his eyes. "I missed so much," she whispered. "I gave up my life as a kid to take care of my mother. I gave up my life as an adult to take care of victims because no one ever did it for me."

He narrowed his eyes and leaned his head to the left. "What are you talking about?"

"I gave up chances...opportunities...for you," she breathed. "Because I was so afraid to leave you, be away from you. I turned down a marriage proposal because I...I wanted..."

"Why are you doing this right now?" he asked, afraid of what she was saying, what it might lead to.

She stared into his eyes, and she took a deep breath. "I'm leaving the unit," she shrugged. "I told Cragen I needed a new partner, and he...he yelled at me. He said I had to get over the fact that you were gone, and I couldn't just keep asking for new partners just because they weren't you."

"What?" Elliot spat. "Liv, that's..."

"He was right," she broke in. "El, when I transferred into the unit, they gave me you. For twelve years, it was you at my side, watching my back, keeping me sane." She choked on her words. "You left and...you took me with you. Without you, I..."

"You are a brilliant cop, with or without me, honey," he intruded. "What's this really about?"

She smiled at him, ignoring the tears in her eyes. "I missed out on a lot, El," she said, her breath catching in her throat. "I made so many bad choices and ridiculous sacrifices, and before it's too late I...I don't wanna miss anything anymore."

He squinted, trying to figure out what she meant. And then he saw her eyes flicker. And he realized. "Okay," he said, a smile growing on his tired face.

"Yeah?" she asked, a droplet finally spilling out of her eye, a happy tear.

His voice broke and he laughed, on the verge of tears himself. "Yes," he told her, pulling her into him for a deep kiss. And as he pushed her easily toward the bed, he felt the world fall off of his shoulders. He felt lighter, happier, knowing that a promise made years ago would finally be kept.

**A/N: The conclusion to this story, next. When they all, finally, come around.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Actions have consequences, people make choices, and in the end, when they come around, they have to accept what they've become.**

**Disclaimer: SVU is owned and operated by Dick Wolf. TStabler (c) just took the characters out to play for a bit.**

"You don't have to do this," Nick told her, his voice low, his eyes narrow. He looked at her, leaning against her desk.

She ignored him, and she packed the rest of her photos and personal belongings off of the metal surface.

"He's right." Fin's voice was almost sad, almost angry. "You don't have to..."

She slammed the box in her hands down on the desk. "Yes," she spat, "I do." She shook her head. "This isn't just about Elliot, either, okay? He didn't make me quit."

"Right," Nick scoffed, his hand falling to the cold top of her desk.

She looked at him, acknowledging him for the first time in days. "I'm leaving because there are things that I want more than this job," she kept her jaw tight as she said it. "I didn't...I just wanted a new..." she swallowed. "I was given a choice, and I chose." She shrugged.

"So what are you gonna do now?" Munch asked, his thin arms folding over his aching chest. "You've got too much love for this in your soul to just walk away."

Olivia smiled at him, an honest smile. "I'm actually gonna work with this non-profit organization that works with victims of abuse and assault." She grabbed the last picture off of her desk. "It works to give them what was taken from them. It's what I've always tried to do here, but...on a more personal level."

"That sounds nice," Munch said, nodding once. "You'll be brilliant. You always did have a way with the vics."

She grinned. "Elliot...uh, he's helping," she said with a small chuckle. "Though, honestly, I think he's just excited about all the free trips to Hawaii." She grabbed her box and looked around, then her eyes landed on Cragen, standing in the doorway of his office.

"Olivia," the man said softly, "Can we talk about this?"

She shook her head and stepped toward the door. "You already said enough," she said, hurt in her eyes and her voice. "You want it, Cap, you got it."

"I was angry," Cragen said a bit louder. "You don't have to..."

"I already lost everything I had," she interrupted. "I got it back, and I wanna keep it. You've actually given me a way to do it. So thank you."

Fin walked over to her and pulled her into a hug, not caring if he crushed the box in her arms. "I'll miss you Baby-Girl," he whispered to her.

"I'm not leaving the city," she said to him. "I'm not dying. You can always call. Or come over." She turned her head. "You, too, Munch. You're always welcome." She smiled. "Friendship doesn't end because someone leaves a job, guys. We've been through too much together to throw it all away because I'm leaving the unit."

Munch moved slowly, then hugged her. It was awkward at first, since he wasn't a warm man, but she dropped her head to his shoulder and he sniffled. Almost crying, he said, "Visit once in a while."

She nodded and lifted her head. "I will," she said. Then, again, she looked at Cragen. "You let Elliot go without trying to stop him, without saying goodbye. You gonna do the same to me?"

"I tried to stop you," Cragen said sadly.

She put the box down on her desk and took the four steps between herself and him. She raised an eyebrow, and she waited. She blinked and said, "You're the closest thing I ever had to a father." And she hugged him.

He shattered, then, and held her tight. "Please, if you need to take a few days to think..."

"I'm done thinking," she told him firmly. She looked into his eyes. "He's cutting back his hours, too. We're...doing this the right way. And maybe...soon...we'll have a..."

"Family," Cragen whispered. "He's always been your family."

She gave him a tight smile and tried not to cry. She nodded. "I'll...I'll see you, Cap," she whispered, her words shaky. She grabbed her box and took one last, long look around the squad room. She smiled, remembering the day she walked in, the moment she first laid eyes on Elliot. A tear rolled down her cheek as memory after memory flashed in her mind, the people that had walked in and out of her life because of this job, this place. She took a slow, shivering breath, blinked, turned, and was gone without a single word, and without looking back.

* * *

><p>"You sure you're okay?" Elliot whispered into her ear, holding her body against his in their bed.<p>

She hummed as she watched their fingers entwine. "Yeah," she whispered back. "It just…didn't feel right anymore." She turned a bit to look at him. "This," she said, brushing her nose against his, "This feels right."

He smiled as he kissed her, and he said, "I just want you to be happy. I don't want you to regret this in…"

"El, I'm happy," she assured him. "With you, with the kids, with this new job, I feel like everything I've put on the back burner…everything I have ever wanted but thought I'd never have…it's all finally falling into place." She pressed her head against his. "I'm happy now, I'm gonna wake up happy."

"Every day," he said with a soft kiss, "For the rest of your life." He skimmed a hand down her naked body, running his fingertips over her smooth skin under their sheets, a rattling sound escaping as he touched her.

She moaned softly, her eyes slid shut, and she rocked her hips into him.

He was about to plunge into her depths, but a tentative knock on their bedroom door made them pause. He chuckled and pulled away from her, then shoved the covers off. He got out of the bed, stepped into his long forgotten sweatpants, and tossed Olivia a long tee shirt.

She rolled her eyes as she pulled it over her head, and sighed as Elliot opened the door. Her eyes softened, though, when she looked at the boy on the other side.

"Eli?" Elliot questioned, lifting his son into his arms. "How'd you get out of bed?"

"He's probably taught himself how to climb," Olivia said with a chuckled.

Eli made a sad face and clutched tighter to his father's neck, and he let out a tiny cough.

"Oh, honey," Elliot breathed, bringing the small child toward the bed, "I don't think he feels too good."

Olivia scooted over and patted the mattress next to her. "Lay him down," she said, "I think the children's cold medicine is in the…"

"I know where it is," Elliot laughed, resting his son down on the soft bed. He watched as Eli curled into Olivia, wrapping around her, and closed his eyes. His heart swelled and he felt himself near tears. "He really loves you," he said.

"I really love him," she said, staring down at Eli. "I remember the day he was…"

"You saved his life," Elliot interrupted. "You were the first one to hold him. Oliver is his middle name, Liv, he's named after you." He put his hand over his heart and patted it twice, shaking his head. Emotional, he couldn't speak anymore, and he left the room to get his child's medicine.

Olivia smiled, remembering the day in the ambulance, after an accident that almost killed the four year old and his mother, and the night at the hospital, after things had calmed down, when Elliot pulled her into the tightest hug she'd ever been given. She fell in love with him, for what seemed like the hundredth time, and reveled in the feel of his arms around her, certain it would never happen again. "I love you, little one," she said, brushing his hair back. "I love your daddy, too."

"Boy, am I glad to hear that," Elliot said, coming back into the room. "I'll just leave this over here," he said, dropping the bottle of grape cough syrup onto the nightstand. "If he wakes up, I'll give it to him." He climbed back into the bed and scooted close to his son and Olivia. He draped one arm over both of them, and he sighed, content.

"Are you happy?" Olivia asked. "You asked me assuming I would tell you I'm not, but are you…"

"Like you said," he mumbled, on his way to a peaceful sleep, "Everything's falling into place, baby." He pulled her closer and made her laugh, sandwiching his son between them. "I'm happy." He opened his eyes and looked at her over the top of Eli's head. "It took a long time," he whispered. "Too long."

"What did?" she whispered back, her fingers running up and down his arm. "You being happy? You weren't happy before?"

"Not this happy," he said, honest. "And…us. We took way too long. It took too damn long for us to get past the bull…" he eyed Eli. "Crap," he decided. "But we finally…I dunno…" He shook his head. "We came around, in the end, and I think we're gonna be epic together."

She smiled at him and closed her eyes, cuddling close to both him and Eli. "El," she said, "We already are."

**A/N: When things fall into place, you're bound to get your happy ending.**


End file.
